Why men cheat

I know Mark loves his wife. I know they have a good marriage. He is the type of husband that any woman would dream of wanting for a husband. Their home is beautiful and warm. They are both successful and have an enviable lifestyle.

So why does he cheat?

Generally there are 3 reasons why men cheat.

1. They don't want to leave a relationship without the support of another person so choose to an exit affair. In this they sometimes want to get caught. The affair is their ticket out as well as validation they can still get some one else and support!
   
2. The marriage has broken down but they don't want to leave for reasons of children, financial and the hassle. It is an easy way to have their cake and eat it too. Often they have grown appart or she hasn't aged as well.
   
3. Boredom, sexual needs not being met and a crime of opportunity. This is the man who will lie, deny it and when faced with over whelming evidence will appologise profusely and say it is all a mistake but a year later will do it again. Once they get a taste for it they will do it again.

I think he is in the third group. He seems to regard this as temporary and fun thing. I know because he talks so fondly of his relationship with his wife and always uses the words us, we, ours etc. He seems happy being married.

While he is holding me in my arms telling me how much he cares for me, how gorgeous I am and how much he enjoys spending time I remind myself that this a man who loves his wife and who cheats.

Out of the three he is the worst kind.

Money

I was having a girlie chat with some friends when one girl admitted that in her early years at college she entered into a couple of relationships with married men. Although she didn’t consider herself a prostitute she was ‘funded’ and she probably wouldn’t have entered into the relationship if he hadn’t promised to ‘help her’.

I looked over at S. I expected her, as a married woman, to be horrified by all these disclosures. To my astonishment she wasn’t. She said that there have been times that the one of the reasons they have stayed together was money. As a couple they a fantastic lifestyle and if they were to split up that would all change. She only ever dated men who had a good income and couldn’t see any thing wrong with expecting the man you are in a relationship with to contribute financially. The second reason was their social circle, family and all the disappointment it would cause.

I want to be married so badly but I admit that those two things scare me as well. What if it doesn't work out? What would it be like to come out the other side?

Now I was the one shocked. Of course S has never worked. She understands why women want to. But she doesn’t need the power and security a job brings as she already has it. Two words strike fear into any married man with money, ‘fifty percent’.

S said she thinks I am foolish not to ask him for upkeep. For me though that is one line I never want to cross. I can’t get out of my head that women who get paid are prostitutes not some one’s lover.

S says that she traded her life, her fertility, her time, her body, maid service, counselling and so on for money and status. Of course love was part of it. But money, and the ability to provide her with the lifestyle and identity she wanted, was the first criteria that had to be met.