Valentine's Day

Once upon a time I looked at the world through rose tinted glasses. On the days leading up to Valentine's Day the rose tint strengthened and everything seemed romantic. I spent money on romatic accessories for my home - lights with hearts on a sting were place in the fire place mantle. I bought cented candles, pink champagne, bubble bath, chocolates, cupcakes, flowers, roses, orchids, and beautiful accessories. On Valentine's day my house has a beautiful and romantic glow. No guy ever came close to making Valentine's Day special.

I know I got flowers and on one occasion roses. I also got stuffed animals carrying hearts. Cards of course and one occasion I also got a cheap box of chocolates in a heart shaped box. If course dinner in a restaurant was the norm.

But when I think back what was missing was true romance. I wanted a trail of petals and to be awed and surpised. What I got was like they ticked off the script. Card check, flowers - these will do, dinner yup - done!

Loverboy and I have plans to get together on Valentines and I joked, "Please don't pile up the usual mountain of presents and flowers. I only have a small house and it so hard every year to find room for everything!" His repsonse was that us seeing each other should be enough. He doesn't like to be told when he should be romantic just because it says so on he calendar.

I bought my self a nice box of heart shaped chocs in purple foil, a lipstick red orchid, a bottle of pink champagne and candles. The heart shapped lights are out on the fireplace hearth and the lounge looks like a nice romantic haven. In the bedroom are the purple silk sheets and champagne pink throw with roses by the table lamp.

Valentine's Day will be romantic come hell or high water. Even if it is just something I feel.

I think I love you

I couldn't possibly love a cheater could I? Have I allowed myself to fall in love with a guy who sneaks around on his wife having trysts with me while his wife is slaving to keeep a nice home and have everything perfect?

I have heard his criticism of her and cringed. I heard him yelling at her and ordering her to go to bed so he could get me alone. She complained to me on more than one occasion that their sex life is non existent and he never touches her anymore despite her remaining fit and attractive.

I am wondering if he has OCPD? Obessive Compulsive Personality Disorder

I'll bet she doesn't get text messages saying, 'Good morning gorgeous' or 'Hi Sexy'. Ever stolen moment he can find is with me. We went for a long leisurely walk and lunch on Friday. No sex. Just talking and being friends. He has been feeling down about work lately and I have been there for a hug and a cuddle. He told me he wants us always to be friends and that he never wants to lose me.

I know this isn't the same thing as being marriage material. How could it be when I am his 'fun' buddy while his wife is slaving her ass off?

As his wife she is accountable to a much higher standard than me. My house is far less conventional and tidy. They both make good money but money is tightly controlled. In fact I am now being to expect that he is a bit of a control freak! I got a text message that because he walked home in the freezing cold the money he saved paid for his fish and chips!! He asked to borrow my travel card on the day I wasn't using it to save another £10? I don't even think of these things. He talks about their finances a lot.

Image is everything to him and he is very meticulous as to how he will look if it all comes out.

I know more about their financial status then I do them.

One minute I can feel myself falling in love with him and wishing there was something more. The next minute I am getting "danger danger"... and the urge to back away slowly.