Walking on the wild side

After the events of Sunday I had of expected his senses to have taken hold and slow things down. It's only been 3 months but he is as randy as ever if not more! I've been bombarded with pery texts and emails all escalating the kinky things we have been doing.

The only reason I allow it is because I enjoy it so much. I love our play time. But the nice normal man 'husband' is disappearing.

I fear he might disappear forever. He is getting a taste of some very forbidden fruit. What he and his wife have done sexually is not in the same league as us. Our play time lasts hours and he is now moving into the world of kinky sex if not BSDM more and more whether he knows it or not.

I am ecouraging it and loving it but sadly I doubt there is anyway back for him. He said our relationship will eventually end as he can't live two lives.

When the time comes he will probably find that his old life will no longer be enough. I sincerly hope not. I would miss the nice married man. It is what I hope for myself.

Writing on the wall that it won't work

When dating men always look at how they treat the women in their lives... their mother, their sister etc. as well as waitresses and staff.

Men will usually always treat authority figures well. But if they are having an affair their current wife/partner is the most important one to pay attention to...

How he treats them is eventually how he will treat you once the honeymoon period is over.

It is always good to have a mental checklist of the core traits that are important and not to excuse him if he doesn't have them. There are no excuses for bad behaviour. Mine are:

• Kindness


• Is he respectful?


• Empathy


• Trust
  
• Honour

Last night I walked up the pretty steps into their beautiful home for dinner. I was an invited guest of Loverboy and his wife.

It was a wake up call. Loverboy and his wife always seemed the perfect couple. But then the grass always looks greener on the other side...

Soon as wife stepped out of the room to get me a drink he was all over me. He dominated the conversationbarely letting his wife get a word in. He was mean to her and snapped at her several times. He had his hand down my top when she walked in the room I am sure she caught him.

I was shocked by this side to him. This is a man who has been telling me this is just a short term affair. He showed me the pictures of them in Thailand and kept his mouth shut when she said she looked fat and old in one. I knew what he was thinking.

I felt very ill at ease. Even in front of her he was very touchy and tactile with me. At one point he was stroking my new top and telling me he loved it and how pretty I looked. It was a pricey top I just bought the day before. I know for a fact how tight he is with his wife's clothing budget.

Towards the end of the evening I was more than ready to leave. He didn't want me to leave. His wife was falling asleep and kept closing her eyes. Loverboy suggested she go to bed. I knew his wife didn't want to go to bed while I was still sitting next to her husband. I said I was leaving and started to get up. Loverboy glarred at me and told me to stay and finish my drink.

Loverboy shouted at her to go to bed and he would follow in 5 minutes. After witnessing his behaviour I was curious to find out if the 'bit of fun' was in fact becoming more serious and whether he was now contemplating leaving his wife for me.

Despite his behaviour I got a resolute 'this is going to end some time, I can't lead two lives'... in the next breath he was telling me how badly he wanted to hold me all night and cuddle up beside me on my bed and how he hates leaving me when he visits. His tendernous and emotional out pourings didn't last long before he was vigoursly fucking me. He then asked me to suck him off
Of course I should have told him where to go but I didn't.

Getting past the mask to establish real connection

I have been reading about how to make real connections with men. The unspoken language of the true self.

Real connections are not words. Some times a connection can be acheived with just a look. The concept of the persona was invented by 'Carl Jung'. The persona is described as the mask that hides his true feelings and gives men the tough guy exerior. Women of course have one too. Beneath that exterior he has fears, feelings, emotions and doubts.

Men bond with other men when doing activities rather than talking. Sex validates that you think he is significant.

Today when I saw Loverboy I tried to engineer the connection... I sprayed myself with the oxytocin, I used my body language to shift myself towards him, I wore the contact lenses and I used my eyes and was more concious of my facial expressions.

The practice boyfriend

Loverboy makes a great practice boyfriend. Plus I get the sex. I do how slim the odds of him leaving his wife are no matter how much I scheme. It would be nice but the goal is a serious relationship and a husband and not necessarily him.

I know that if I allow to fall in love with him I could get hurt. Only I can make myself vulnerable. Only I control my emotions.

This week I have about 4 more dates with prospective men lined up. I look at them as the real targets. The successful, good looking and available men that I accept dates with actually have more potential than Loverboy.

Loverboy has his faults; cowardice, lying, cheating

My affair has given me an enormous ego boost. It has raised my self-confidence out of some dark pit of despair. I have new wardrobe complete with sexy lingere and I am learning loads about love and sex. I have learned new tricks as well as sharpening my conversation and flirting skills.

I also stopped him from cheating with random strangers off that contact site I found him on.

Who knows the practice boyfriend may become the real boyfriend, only time will tell.

Why men leave.

Everyone knows the saying "men never leave". Then then there is the book "why men leave" plus the divorce rate. Clearly men do leave. Sometimes at least.

With the cheaters it is the minority who leave.

Divorce is almost always initiated by the wife. If he got caught then chances are the choice would be out of his hands. The stigma of being outed as the 'other woman' is not a label I want, so I too am happy to maintain the status quo. I hope that his marriage will break down and he will leave of his own accord.

I've been looking into the reasons why men do leave and what I can do to tip the scales in favour of me:

• My income needs to be better than hers to create financial incentive (house value etc)


• I need to be in better shape - more feminine, more healthy


• I need to be more nurturing, supportive, loving and kinder (more deserving of love)


• Tune my hobbies to be of more interest to him


• Better home maker


• Offer him higher social status

5 hours a good sign

The email arrived at 1 pm yesterday. I hesitated before opening it and poured myself a glass of wine. It was lunch. Two weeks of sun and an infinity pool may have worked love-magic. They could be loved up again while I was to be shoved away. Perhaps he missed me even more or perhaps just the sex?

Most people prefer the devil they know to uncertainty. It is very unlikely he will ever leave his wife. Most divorces are initiated by the wife. The email revealed the affair is still very much on.

Hi Beautiful.... can't wait to see you again... I had an amazing time and I am missing you....

5 hours had elapsed between the email and the plane landing. This was a great sign. A considering my arsonal of contact lenses, books, DVDs, new lingere, bedroom decor and the oxytocin ready for another round of the game.

This morning I ran into his wife in the shop and asked her how her holiday in Thailand was she said it was 'ok'. She didn't sound as though she enjoyed it much. It would be too much wishful thinking to take that as proof that there marriage is on the rocks.

Could a fear of change be sabotaging my relationships

Six years of singledom and dating countless guys it now feels as though I am destined to remain single. Dating is a minefield. Lot of my friends aren't single five minutes before getting their hooks firmly into the next guy. I have two friends who have been married, divorced and then re-married in less time.

I shared my bed every Friday and Saturday for 5 years with my last beau without progressing any further. While he was dumping me he let it slip that he thought I had a problem with commitment because I never gave him any space in the cloest or anywhere else in my house. My point was he never asked.

He lived with his parents while I own a detatched house. It is very, very small though. It isn't the sort of place where two people could live comfortably. I always thought that upon meeting 'The One' we would get a bigger place that would be 'ours'. I was waiting for him to bring up the subject of our future. Whenever I broached it he said he didn't love me. I saw him when he wanted to see me. It decreased in the last 3 years. It didn't occur to me to offer him drawer space when he couldn't committ to two days in advance.

Heaps of logistical problems sping up when a relationship becomes serious. What if he wants to live closer to his family in a different area? What if he doesn't want a big garden and prefers a flat? What if ... what if... what if.... what if....Houses have to be sold, finances merged and the fear of what if it doesn't work out and we have to unravel this mess?

Some times it does seem like so much hassle and I have to wonder if this is sabatoging my relationships. Perhaps I am too reluctant to make changes?

When browsing the profiles of prospective dates my requirements are:

• Must live in the same area or like the area where I live and want to move there


• Must have equal or similar amount of equity or net worth


• Must like having a garden and barbecues


• Should work in London at a similar level to me


• Should own a nice car


• Should have fairly good DIY skills


• Must want similar lifestyle and share house work 50/50
  

Add to this must have own hair, teeth, good education, steady employment/career, no criminal record, no drugs or alcohol problems, be of good charactor, good income as well as no baggage....(kids) in an over 40 age bracket and it seems I am asking for a miracle.

The Kivin technique for the best oral sex

"Trapped in the sexual doldrums? The Kivin method, a Tahitian oral-sex technique, brings on a faster and more intense orgasm in more than half of the women who receive it. Most women get so excited that they climax after only 3 to 12 minutes, says Patti Britton, Ph.D., a clinical sexologist…."

Apparently this could be your best orgasm ever.

It is called the Kivin Method. In this technique, the man is lying perpendicular to the woman. He uses his tongue to stimulate his partner in a back and forth motion across the “K” points (on either side of the top and back of the clitoris). To get started put a finger of one hand on the "C" point/perineum (this is the area of skin between the anus and the vagina). Expose the clitoris and move your tongue tip in a licking motion across The K -points. The C point is your guide as it will pulse.

The sex and happiness connection

Last night I watched a program called "How to have sex after marriage". An attractive couple married for 5 years were on the program with their sexless and troubled relationship. After giving each other dismal ratings on attraction and affection they rated each other a one for sex. The 1 was out of 10. 70% of their previous sex was misionary position and the same lack luster routine. I know there are people who could quite happily live on beans and toast every day but not me.

Sex is critical to a relationship. It is important for bonding and feeling close to a person. Intimacy is not dividing up the household chores and talking about day to day activities. No wonder some people end up feeling they are just room mates. The two were caught in a downward spiral of becoming more and more unhappy and blaming each other while becoming more and more miserable. Eventually they stop making each other feel good.

Enter some one else to boost their ego. Showing the husband faked images of his wife cheating it made him realise just how bad things could be and awakened feelings of jealously. Jealously is a magic remedy some times for making people realise what they are taking for granted and showing them what is at stake.

The trick to saving their marriage was to get them having sex again and re-awakening what attracted them to each other in the first place.

This has also been back up with science just how powerful an affect sex can have on some one's life. In Money, sex and happiness; An epirical study the more sex a person has the happier they are.

Keep him and catch him DVDs

Frist on the work front I am loving my new office and the black leather sofa. It is a bit retro circa 1980's I have the same fan that I bought for my home. I am settling in and everyone seems nice so far. Everyone seems friendly enough and I have plenty to get stuck in.

Less than a few days to go and I still haven't had a single a date. I may have one lined up for Thursday night, drinks in Covent Garden with a reasonable looking specimen. All the other prospective offers have come from men who are 'little too used' and spat out.

The post office strike has cramped my style. My contact lenses and oxytocin have not yet arrived. So I will be wearing my glasses. Guys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses. I am also on my own with the first date jitters no oxytocin to make him feel at ease.

I received the Catch him and keep him DVDs last night but they are still in the case. I tried watching the first one and fell asleep before the introduction was over. It was a late evening. Judging by the 4 DVDs and the work book this looks like it will take awhile to digest before I can put it to practice. The review will have to wait.

So far it looks good if not a bit expensive. £100 if a fair chunk of money to part with.

Internet dating

My inbox on Match.com is often a horror show. Filled with divorced, at least two kids and guys who look at least 10 years later than their stated age. One bald pudgy prat now divorced after 22 years of marriage is now looking for 'the love of his life' and 'has a lot to offer the right woman' and describes himself as warm, tender, generous and sexy. He goes on and on describing how wonderful he is and how he wants to slow down and spend more time with his 'love'. One wonders why he didn't do all this before marriage.

He is as unappealling as stale bread.

I decided to have a look at the competition. The women in my bracket seemed to be of much higher quality. A higher perecentage of the women were attractive, single (never married), successful, educated and normal sounding. Nothing like most of the men over 44. In the younger groups it is a lot more balanced but not if you are 40-ish or over.

George Clooney, 46 and Brad Pitt, 43 may be 'middle aged' but they are a fantasy only. As a standard or an ideal totally unrealistic. Most men look nothing like them.

But to feel spark and chemistry there still has to be attraction. That attraction is largely looks based. Men need to understand that and try to make themselves attractive to women. Even reading the profiles a lot of men don't have a clue and say things like 'she must take me as I am warts and all', 'not try to change me', 'I am a man's man' etc.

This doesn't mean that they should put up a horrible photo in which they have a snarly expression and am in bad need of grooming.

Here are my tips for men:

• Wear clean up to date clothes (no sleeveless vests, football shirts, ratty t-shirts)
• Don't pose bare chested showing off your tatoos
• Comb your hair and have a recent hair cut, no comb overs, pony tails, mullets
• Smile and try to look friendly
• Don't pose with fish, beer cans, motorcycles etc.
• Don't send in your holiday snaps with sandels and socks
• Don't pose with your ex even if she is blacked out
• Don't add '69' to your name
• Don't use names with sexual connotations 'ribbed for her pleasure' or cheesey names 'prince of roses'
• Check your spelling and grammar. Some errors are forgivable
• Write more than a paragraph
• Be positive and don't give us your sob story 'I've been through a rough time....'
• Please do not say you are looking for your princess, baby, flower or woman

Sex Tips

Talk in bed - talk a lot, get him to share his most intimate fantasies and find out what reallt turns him on. Ask him about lingerie. Men have a fear that women will think they are perverts if they like women in the typical red split crotch panties. Let him know that women like that are too uptight. You are different.

• Try new things like massaging his prostate gland.
  


• Experiment using toys and let him use them on you.



• Keep your skin perfectly smooth and try completely bare.
  


• Try a porno movie - It needn't be sleazy - try watching Pirates together or the Art Core series. I also like Burlesque and have the mathing outfits. Dress up but equaly don't be shy about stripping it all off. Part of the point of dressing up in a sexy outfit is to get undressed.



• Make him slightly jealous. You want him to want to posses you. Talk about your previous relationships and make him feel a little bit of pain so he will think of them as rivals and try to prove himself superior.
  


• Let him do nice things for you and do nice things for him. But keep the things you do for him light and informal.



• Talk dirty to encourage openess and to let him know that you love sex.
  


• Use perfume subtely and choose scents that are erotic to men.
  


• Study his anatomy and take your time with foreplay. Pay attention to all of his erogenous zones including his nipples and learn what he likes.
  


• Try new positions and suggest things.
  


• Try performing oral sex alternating hot and cold liquids in you mouth. Use sauces with texture like Jack Daniels maple syrup and let him lick it off you.

How come the other women gets all the blame?

The Daily Mail's article "Why do we always blame the other woman when men have an affair?" asks a good question.

La perla clad evil temptresses love to show off thier bedroom arts as well as stretchmark free bodies in the company of successful, handsome and appreciative men. The ultimate appreciation is in him leaving his wife behind and becoming his trophey bride. Becoming the woman you've always wanted to be and marrying the man of your dreams. For a woman who has worked on her career, looks and social life she wants her counterpart an alpha male.

Looking for lady friend

Hallo I'm Geoff. And you are GORGEOUS! You remind me of someone, perhaps a B celeb, but I can't remember who it is. Anyhow, I am 51, separated for 11 months, living in Northolt Middx, and working at the moment in the City.I run my own company, and am looking for a ladyfriend for a bit of "excitement". I really am EXPECTING to hear from you!

Several things stick out about this and turn my stomache:

• I am 'working at the moment'
• "ladyfriend"
• "excitement"

If this add was on a contact website I wouldn't have batted an eyelash. However this gem posted on a dating website for people looking for 'love'. One only wonders why this gem is divorced?

A real love potion that says 'trust me'

There is no drug to make a man fall madly in love with you. But there is a chemical which could make him feel more at ease around you. Drugging a man to fall in love with you won't do much for your karma anyway. What oxytocin does is not that sinister.

New Scientist magazine has featured several articles on oxytocin which describes its effects.

What it can do is make people feel more at ease around you. This could be great for those first date jitters when you are hardly relaxed yourself let alone in control enough to make some one else feel relaxed around you.

Or what about the first time you have sex to help overcome 'performance anxiety'? The chemical will work on you as well. The suggestion is you spray it on your clothes that you are wearing. You could even spray it in on the bed sheets.

I've known about Oxytocin for awhile now and been impressed with the claims as well as the science behind it. I have never tried it mainly because it is only available on US sites which look less than trust worthy. But nothing ventured nothing gained. So another £17 lighter I have now added a two month's supply of Oxytocin to my arsonal.
Available online at: http://www.lovescent.com/

Trick for creating bedroom eyes that attract men

Bedroom eyes have now been scientifically proven to attract mates. To achieve the big pupil look apparently you must dim the lights. I am already a big fan of soft lighting. Not too soft though as guys get lots of stimuli visually. You don't want to have sex in the dark. Big mistake. Another trick is the new coloured lenses. Some of these are quite clever and add reflections to make your eyes sparkle (good for dim light) and a darker line around the eye to add definition.

Check out http://www.contactlenses.co.uk/ Don't forget your perscription and to see an eye doctor first to get fitted.

Learning the tactics and strategies for lasting love

The article in the Daily Mail has really got me thinking hard. It is not just because I have persued a career that I am single. I lost men to other women along the way and had guys who just weren't ready and then went and married the next girl they saw. I could have understood if the women were better looking, richer and offered more status. But in most cases it wasn't clear.
So in mission to spend the next two weeks as productive as possible I am going to invesitgate the laws of attraction.

Time to hit the books again. I downloaded Christian's Carter's ebook "Catch Him and Keep Him" and started reading that last night. I have also just ordered the delux DVD collection.

But that is only a part of it. Falling in love triggers a chemical process and that process is also what I want to master.

According to New Scientist Magazine chemistry is blame for allowing yourself to fall in love with a married man.

http://www.newscientist.com/channel/sex/love/dn9981

http://www.lovetactics.com/

Death of Sisterhood

The newspaper The Daily Mail renowned for infuriating middle england with stories of maurading gangs, hooded youths, criminal migrants, benefit cheats, scroungers etc. has now alarming married women all over Britian with tales of single career women stalking their husbands. Apparently sisterhood is dead and married men are now fair game.

Of course I am generalising but... When people marry young they choose partners largely for their potential. Women give up work to raise kids while other women go off to pursue careers. Men don't have to choose between career and family in the way that women do. Call it a midlife crisis but something happens in later life and people re-examine their choices. People some times grow appart. At work it is more of a level playing field between men and women and friendships develop. I've also met the wives of many a handsome and charming executive and found them dumpy, frumpy and incapable of holding a conversation on any topic except their kids and Eastenders.

Last night I did 20 minutes on the rowing machine. Note to self: do more.

Why internet dating names should be chosen with care.

With two weeks to myself I want to use the time wisely and do someting to improve my life. First thing set up some dates with prospective boyfriends. To do this I logged onto my account at Match.com . With a parade of losers like this it is a wonder I haven't lost my will to live as well as lack of interest in all men.

This gem is divorced, 51 (although he could easily pass for 60), kids and calls himself asyoulike69. Aaarggghhh. What is it with guys and the names? ridethenine anyone? He says he is looking to start life 'afresh'. In otherwords yet another one that has been married for 20 odd years and after having the life sucked out of him is now looking for a 'babe' to teach him how to be young again.

Nicho2 also winked (letting me know he likes me) at me from match. This one actually warranted my first angry response. The more I read the more insulted I felt. Nicho is 51, short, fat, bald, 3 kids, tatooed, unemployed with a highschool education and likes fish and steak pies. Nicho2 'dont read alot'. His travel includes 'spain' twice and he lives in Norwich. He says he didn't put a photo up because he doesn't have any flattering pictures of himself. Thank god. I think that would have pushed me over the edge.

There were a couple that had potential. If I had to judge the men I previously dated by what they looked like on paper I am sure I wouldn't have dated any of them. Least of all again the married man. Not that you would call that dating. But the fact he is younger, earns less than me and is heavily into sports would have ruled him out. So maybe I should give a few of the marginally attractive ones a go?

I think it is going to be a quiet week. I bought new table lamp for the bedroom. I think I might freshen up the decor a bit and buy myself another silk nightie for when Mark comes back.