New Year's Eve

Spending New Year's Eve alone. I had hoped to go to his house with another couple and at least be in the same room as him to ring in the new year. We spent a wonderful Chistmas Eve together and a a few days in between. Everything was going great and then we had a very boozy day out. We met his wife late in the day.

My behaviour with him was flirtatious throughout. I kept touching him in front of his wife. I got so drunk I made a complete ass of myself. Listening to my list of crimes I can't even comphrehend what I was thinking or going trough my mind.

Apparently I was falling down drunk and completely crazy. Miraculously she still doesn't suspect. But we can't risk another encounter like that. Or rather he can't. He doesn't want a divorce and his life ruined.

So while everyone else is counting down the New Year I am home alone. He came over today and all is forgotten he said. But then he wanted sex.

I think he understands more than me my mind and that I have a harder time than him compartmentalising my relationships. He is my boyfriend and I want everyone to know.

But to him I am still number 2. It is easy to say my NY resolution is to end it and get a new boyfriend. I looked at my dating inbox and it doesn't hold much promise.

In fact it is depressing. I am attractive, healthy, well to do and outwordly have a lot going for me. Tonight I cried that year after year nothing is changing.

A friend of mine called me to cry on my shoulder that her recent boyfriend turned out to be a fraud. Completely. Married for a start. He was supposed to be a weathly singleton. She never even cared about the money. But his disappearances when he was supposedly out of the country on business he was playing the dutiful husband and father.

The fact that Mark can cheat so blantantly on his wife and take so many chances and then tell me he loves her "deeply" in next breath makes me hate him.

I think it was hate that inspired me to behave so badly that night.

Hope and desperation are the reasons he is still in my life.

Christmas Romance

Loverboy and his wife and I have have made several arrangements to see each other over Christmas. It may not be the romantic Christmas of my dreams but it will have to do along with a few stolen hours when she is out.

Chistmas wish list

1. Silk sheets for my king size bed


2. Perfume


3. Lingere


4. Silk stockings


5. Nipple Pasties


6. Jasmine scented candle


7. Leather gloves


8. Leather boots


9. New bedroom lamp


10. New bedroom light fixture


11. Kinky bedroom accessories


12. New cushions
    

How to make your legs look slimmer

Dressing to please a man is important - in my opinion. However this doesn't mean tarty or sleazy. In fact ask most men what they prefer and they like classy. The sexier stuff should be worn underneath descreetly.

Lots and lots of men love stockings especially fishnets. Lots of girls only wear tights these days. I find tights generally less comfortable, especially in the crotch. Also, if you get a run you have to throw out the whole pair.

But with stockings and stay-ups if you have several pairs of the same style you only have to replace the one with the run and they will last longer. Handy for a night out to slip an extra one in your bag and takes up less room.

But the best tip of all is to try fishnets with a fairly small patern (picutre shown above left) from Levante). Because of the contour on your legs the net shapes around your leg giving a black outline and shadow. This shapes your legs and makes them appear slimmer.

Order online from Figleaves, Agent Provocateur or UK Tights

Christmas present

I love dressing up and having loverboy over to help me decorate my tree provided me with an opportunity dress up. I browsed around but all the little sexy Santa suits were all on the cheap side and with lobster and a £100 bottle of champers some how sticking on something cheap wouldn't do.

10 very bad things

1. I am seeing a good friend's husband
2. They live on my doorstep
3. I am falling in love with him
4. He says he loves me
5. She is a nice person who puts her all into their marriage and tries to be the perfect wife
6. I would make a lousey wife in the traditional sense
7. We both are engaging in very kinky sex and getting kinkier
8. We live in a tightly knit community
9. It would ruin our entire lives if we were caught
10. Both of us love what we are doing too much to stop

Erotica

I went to Erotica this year and spent a fortune on lingere from Kiss Me Deadly, new sheets, toys and everything imaginable. I was like a kid in a candy store. I went crazy buying stuff. The feelings I had were both liberating and empowering. I know that everything is for him. I fear that any other man would be replused. I can't wait until he uses everything on me.

Another Secret

After spending Friday evening and the weekend with Loverboy I feel closer to him than ever and judging by the amount of attention I have been getting and the things he has been saying it would be nice to conclude he feels the same way.

However men are better at prioritising logical thoughts over emotional thoughts better than women. It is far easier for a man to feel passionate love for one woman and a more respectful and stable love for another.

I may have him telling me he loves me and lusting over me all the time but the real battle for his heart hasn't even started.

Earlier Friday I had another date with a guy named Chris who works from home as a mortgage advisor. Sadly he wasn't as attractive as in his photo probably due to it being at least 5 years out of date. The conversation was ok but he just really wasn't my type and without the chemical spark I was left lusting after Loverboy again.

The weekend revolved all around sex as it often does. However I am actively encouraging him because the effects of capturing a man's interest through sex can never be underestimated. Sex is the most powerful weapon I have. The first rule is that every moment spent with me should be as pleasurable as possible. The second is to let him talk and open up. Reflective listing and meeting his emotional needs is the key to creating emotional dependence.

The secrets we share have broadened. I now know that he has spent money on a couple of items his wife would find frivolous even though he can afford it and they are worthwhile. This may seem small and petty but it is actually a huge step forward from being purely a sex toy to being his confidant and friend.

Use the Power of Scent in Seduction

Forget about wearing flowery, fruity, woody and citrus perfumes if you want to attract men. When it comes to seduction the sexiest perfumes tend to include scents of white flowers (such as jasmine), vanilla, amber and a musky base. Lalique de Lalique and Bal á Versailles are both good examples.

This is because psychogenics such as vanilla work on the central nervous system. Other scents such as musk have animalistic notes and will make us think of our base instincts such as sex.

Chypre perfumes made from sandalwood are even more successful.

White flowers, which are consistently used in many perfumes and contain a molecule called indole which occurs naturally in animal notes and stimulate feelings such as sex. Which is why fragrances such as Ylang Ylang and Jasmine are known to have a seductive effect. Oriental perfumes particularily are known to have a lot of natural aphrodisiacs.

I love perfume and have a bit of collection. I had been experimenting with various perfumes to see which one would Loverboy would like. Because he likes girls to dress flowery and the no make-up look I assumed something soft and feminine. Yet he never reacted to my perfume and then I wore Opium and he raved about it and got very amorous.

'Opium Perfume'

by 'Yves Saint Laurent', Created by the design house of Yves Saint Laurent in 1977, opium is classified as a refined, oriental, soft fragrance. This feminine scent possesses a blend of rose, carnation, sandalwood, pepper, lily of the valley and clove.

'Opium Orient Extrême'

This has aroma of classic Opium fragrance with top notes of mandarin orange, bergamot and lily-of-the-valley; a heart of jasmine, carnation and spices; and base notes of vanilla, amber, opoponax and patchouli.

Reminder that divorce can be murder

I was watching the Any Fisher story. It was a quiet night in and there was bugger all else on TV. My Loverboy is no 'Buttafucco' and I am certainly not an 'Amy' but there were a few striking similarities.

Buttafucco (B) was being romantinc saying 'I love you' and paying Amy (A) all sorts of compliments while having no intention of leaving his wife.

If what I saw was true and actually did happen and not over fictionalised or skewed then it's interesting to analyse what the dynamics were.

B paged A whenever he had time and he was in the mood for 'sex'. Loverboy lets me know when he thinks there will be 'opportunities' and we plan around his availability. It is a loose arrangement because we never now how the opportunities will pan out. If his wife is going out with her friends for an evening we will pencil it in. But until the day comes and she actually leaves the house it could always be called off. Not to mention he needs to be back home and washed (removing any smells) before she gets home. This is a typical scenario.

B told A he loved and acted very romantically at times. I get this too. It is tough because I could let myself fall so easily in love. Sometimes I think I would love to have him to myself but I keep reminding myself that he can afford to let himself go and forget about her when he is with me and get carried away. I can't because when he gets up to go home to her it will hurt. If I remember his faults and that he is a lying cheating rat then I am more than happy to send him home with his dirty socks while I retire to my bath for long lingering soak in post orgasmic bliss.

Ok Amy was no innocent and I suppose she thought having an older married man after her was an ego boost. That much is true for me too.

But it isn't just Amy that turned to murder. Adultery has been one of the biggest reasons of domestic violence including murder and suicides. These two may seem like buffoons but the newspapers are full of stories of more sensible seeming people who went off the rails.

Last night Loverboy was saying how much he wanted to see to me and to caress me, running my fingers through my hair, smelling my perfume and to be able to spend the night with me and fall asleep with me in my arms... etc. etc. I reminded myself that these are cliches of typical romantic fantasies that everyone has and saying them makes the moment (and the sex) sweeter.

This is giving him a 'fix' nothing more. I am getting my fix too.

He wanted to take a chance and sneak off to my place without knowing how long his wife would be out for. I decided it wasn't worth the risk and made excuses.

Of course I got 'but I just want to see you and to hold your head in my arms'. I stuck to my firm no and we gave it a miss.

I read that there are three 'brains' the emotional brain, the thinking brain and the physical brain.

Ive added a new rule never go with your emotional brain.

Walking on the wild side

After the events of Sunday I had of expected his senses to have taken hold and slow things down. It's only been 3 months but he is as randy as ever if not more! I've been bombarded with pery texts and emails all escalating the kinky things we have been doing.

The only reason I allow it is because I enjoy it so much. I love our play time. But the nice normal man 'husband' is disappearing.

I fear he might disappear forever. He is getting a taste of some very forbidden fruit. What he and his wife have done sexually is not in the same league as us. Our play time lasts hours and he is now moving into the world of kinky sex if not BSDM more and more whether he knows it or not.

I am ecouraging it and loving it but sadly I doubt there is anyway back for him. He said our relationship will eventually end as he can't live two lives.

When the time comes he will probably find that his old life will no longer be enough. I sincerly hope not. I would miss the nice married man. It is what I hope for myself.

Writing on the wall that it won't work

When dating men always look at how they treat the women in their lives... their mother, their sister etc. as well as waitresses and staff.

Men will usually always treat authority figures well. But if they are having an affair their current wife/partner is the most important one to pay attention to...

How he treats them is eventually how he will treat you once the honeymoon period is over.

It is always good to have a mental checklist of the core traits that are important and not to excuse him if he doesn't have them. There are no excuses for bad behaviour. Mine are:

• Kindness


• Is he respectful?


• Empathy


• Trust
  
• Honour

Last night I walked up the pretty steps into their beautiful home for dinner. I was an invited guest of Loverboy and his wife.

It was a wake up call. Loverboy and his wife always seemed the perfect couple. But then the grass always looks greener on the other side...

Soon as wife stepped out of the room to get me a drink he was all over me. He dominated the conversationbarely letting his wife get a word in. He was mean to her and snapped at her several times. He had his hand down my top when she walked in the room I am sure she caught him.

I was shocked by this side to him. This is a man who has been telling me this is just a short term affair. He showed me the pictures of them in Thailand and kept his mouth shut when she said she looked fat and old in one. I knew what he was thinking.

I felt very ill at ease. Even in front of her he was very touchy and tactile with me. At one point he was stroking my new top and telling me he loved it and how pretty I looked. It was a pricey top I just bought the day before. I know for a fact how tight he is with his wife's clothing budget.

Towards the end of the evening I was more than ready to leave. He didn't want me to leave. His wife was falling asleep and kept closing her eyes. Loverboy suggested she go to bed. I knew his wife didn't want to go to bed while I was still sitting next to her husband. I said I was leaving and started to get up. Loverboy glarred at me and told me to stay and finish my drink.

Loverboy shouted at her to go to bed and he would follow in 5 minutes. After witnessing his behaviour I was curious to find out if the 'bit of fun' was in fact becoming more serious and whether he was now contemplating leaving his wife for me.

Despite his behaviour I got a resolute 'this is going to end some time, I can't lead two lives'... in the next breath he was telling me how badly he wanted to hold me all night and cuddle up beside me on my bed and how he hates leaving me when he visits. His tendernous and emotional out pourings didn't last long before he was vigoursly fucking me. He then asked me to suck him off
Of course I should have told him where to go but I didn't.

Getting past the mask to establish real connection

I have been reading about how to make real connections with men. The unspoken language of the true self.

Real connections are not words. Some times a connection can be acheived with just a look. The concept of the persona was invented by 'Carl Jung'. The persona is described as the mask that hides his true feelings and gives men the tough guy exerior. Women of course have one too. Beneath that exterior he has fears, feelings, emotions and doubts.

Men bond with other men when doing activities rather than talking. Sex validates that you think he is significant.

Today when I saw Loverboy I tried to engineer the connection... I sprayed myself with the oxytocin, I used my body language to shift myself towards him, I wore the contact lenses and I used my eyes and was more concious of my facial expressions.

The practice boyfriend

Loverboy makes a great practice boyfriend. Plus I get the sex. I do how slim the odds of him leaving his wife are no matter how much I scheme. It would be nice but the goal is a serious relationship and a husband and not necessarily him.

I know that if I allow to fall in love with him I could get hurt. Only I can make myself vulnerable. Only I control my emotions.

This week I have about 4 more dates with prospective men lined up. I look at them as the real targets. The successful, good looking and available men that I accept dates with actually have more potential than Loverboy.

Loverboy has his faults; cowardice, lying, cheating

My affair has given me an enormous ego boost. It has raised my self-confidence out of some dark pit of despair. I have new wardrobe complete with sexy lingere and I am learning loads about love and sex. I have learned new tricks as well as sharpening my conversation and flirting skills.

I also stopped him from cheating with random strangers off that contact site I found him on.

Who knows the practice boyfriend may become the real boyfriend, only time will tell.

Why men leave.

Everyone knows the saying "men never leave". Then then there is the book "why men leave" plus the divorce rate. Clearly men do leave. Sometimes at least.

With the cheaters it is the minority who leave.

Divorce is almost always initiated by the wife. If he got caught then chances are the choice would be out of his hands. The stigma of being outed as the 'other woman' is not a label I want, so I too am happy to maintain the status quo. I hope that his marriage will break down and he will leave of his own accord.

I've been looking into the reasons why men do leave and what I can do to tip the scales in favour of me:

• My income needs to be better than hers to create financial incentive (house value etc)


• I need to be in better shape - more feminine, more healthy


• I need to be more nurturing, supportive, loving and kinder (more deserving of love)


• Tune my hobbies to be of more interest to him


• Better home maker


• Offer him higher social status

5 hours a good sign

The email arrived at 1 pm yesterday. I hesitated before opening it and poured myself a glass of wine. It was lunch. Two weeks of sun and an infinity pool may have worked love-magic. They could be loved up again while I was to be shoved away. Perhaps he missed me even more or perhaps just the sex?

Most people prefer the devil they know to uncertainty. It is very unlikely he will ever leave his wife. Most divorces are initiated by the wife. The email revealed the affair is still very much on.

Hi Beautiful.... can't wait to see you again... I had an amazing time and I am missing you....

5 hours had elapsed between the email and the plane landing. This was a great sign. A considering my arsonal of contact lenses, books, DVDs, new lingere, bedroom decor and the oxytocin ready for another round of the game.

This morning I ran into his wife in the shop and asked her how her holiday in Thailand was she said it was 'ok'. She didn't sound as though she enjoyed it much. It would be too much wishful thinking to take that as proof that there marriage is on the rocks.

Could a fear of change be sabotaging my relationships

Six years of singledom and dating countless guys it now feels as though I am destined to remain single. Dating is a minefield. Lot of my friends aren't single five minutes before getting their hooks firmly into the next guy. I have two friends who have been married, divorced and then re-married in less time.

I shared my bed every Friday and Saturday for 5 years with my last beau without progressing any further. While he was dumping me he let it slip that he thought I had a problem with commitment because I never gave him any space in the cloest or anywhere else in my house. My point was he never asked.

He lived with his parents while I own a detatched house. It is very, very small though. It isn't the sort of place where two people could live comfortably. I always thought that upon meeting 'The One' we would get a bigger place that would be 'ours'. I was waiting for him to bring up the subject of our future. Whenever I broached it he said he didn't love me. I saw him when he wanted to see me. It decreased in the last 3 years. It didn't occur to me to offer him drawer space when he couldn't committ to two days in advance.

Heaps of logistical problems sping up when a relationship becomes serious. What if he wants to live closer to his family in a different area? What if he doesn't want a big garden and prefers a flat? What if ... what if... what if.... what if....Houses have to be sold, finances merged and the fear of what if it doesn't work out and we have to unravel this mess?

Some times it does seem like so much hassle and I have to wonder if this is sabatoging my relationships. Perhaps I am too reluctant to make changes?

When browsing the profiles of prospective dates my requirements are:

• Must live in the same area or like the area where I live and want to move there


• Must have equal or similar amount of equity or net worth


• Must like having a garden and barbecues


• Should work in London at a similar level to me


• Should own a nice car


• Should have fairly good DIY skills


• Must want similar lifestyle and share house work 50/50
  

Add to this must have own hair, teeth, good education, steady employment/career, no criminal record, no drugs or alcohol problems, be of good charactor, good income as well as no baggage....(kids) in an over 40 age bracket and it seems I am asking for a miracle.

The Kivin technique for the best oral sex

"Trapped in the sexual doldrums? The Kivin method, a Tahitian oral-sex technique, brings on a faster and more intense orgasm in more than half of the women who receive it. Most women get so excited that they climax after only 3 to 12 minutes, says Patti Britton, Ph.D., a clinical sexologist…."

Apparently this could be your best orgasm ever.

It is called the Kivin Method. In this technique, the man is lying perpendicular to the woman. He uses his tongue to stimulate his partner in a back and forth motion across the “K” points (on either side of the top and back of the clitoris). To get started put a finger of one hand on the "C" point/perineum (this is the area of skin between the anus and the vagina). Expose the clitoris and move your tongue tip in a licking motion across The K -points. The C point is your guide as it will pulse.

The sex and happiness connection

Last night I watched a program called "How to have sex after marriage". An attractive couple married for 5 years were on the program with their sexless and troubled relationship. After giving each other dismal ratings on attraction and affection they rated each other a one for sex. The 1 was out of 10. 70% of their previous sex was misionary position and the same lack luster routine. I know there are people who could quite happily live on beans and toast every day but not me.

Sex is critical to a relationship. It is important for bonding and feeling close to a person. Intimacy is not dividing up the household chores and talking about day to day activities. No wonder some people end up feeling they are just room mates. The two were caught in a downward spiral of becoming more and more unhappy and blaming each other while becoming more and more miserable. Eventually they stop making each other feel good.

Enter some one else to boost their ego. Showing the husband faked images of his wife cheating it made him realise just how bad things could be and awakened feelings of jealously. Jealously is a magic remedy some times for making people realise what they are taking for granted and showing them what is at stake.

The trick to saving their marriage was to get them having sex again and re-awakening what attracted them to each other in the first place.

This has also been back up with science just how powerful an affect sex can have on some one's life. In Money, sex and happiness; An epirical study the more sex a person has the happier they are.

Keep him and catch him DVDs

Frist on the work front I am loving my new office and the black leather sofa. It is a bit retro circa 1980's I have the same fan that I bought for my home. I am settling in and everyone seems nice so far. Everyone seems friendly enough and I have plenty to get stuck in.

Less than a few days to go and I still haven't had a single a date. I may have one lined up for Thursday night, drinks in Covent Garden with a reasonable looking specimen. All the other prospective offers have come from men who are 'little too used' and spat out.

The post office strike has cramped my style. My contact lenses and oxytocin have not yet arrived. So I will be wearing my glasses. Guys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses. I am also on my own with the first date jitters no oxytocin to make him feel at ease.

I received the Catch him and keep him DVDs last night but they are still in the case. I tried watching the first one and fell asleep before the introduction was over. It was a late evening. Judging by the 4 DVDs and the work book this looks like it will take awhile to digest before I can put it to practice. The review will have to wait.

So far it looks good if not a bit expensive. £100 if a fair chunk of money to part with.

Internet dating

My inbox on Match.com is often a horror show. Filled with divorced, at least two kids and guys who look at least 10 years later than their stated age. One bald pudgy prat now divorced after 22 years of marriage is now looking for 'the love of his life' and 'has a lot to offer the right woman' and describes himself as warm, tender, generous and sexy. He goes on and on describing how wonderful he is and how he wants to slow down and spend more time with his 'love'. One wonders why he didn't do all this before marriage.

He is as unappealling as stale bread.

I decided to have a look at the competition. The women in my bracket seemed to be of much higher quality. A higher perecentage of the women were attractive, single (never married), successful, educated and normal sounding. Nothing like most of the men over 44. In the younger groups it is a lot more balanced but not if you are 40-ish or over.

George Clooney, 46 and Brad Pitt, 43 may be 'middle aged' but they are a fantasy only. As a standard or an ideal totally unrealistic. Most men look nothing like them.

But to feel spark and chemistry there still has to be attraction. That attraction is largely looks based. Men need to understand that and try to make themselves attractive to women. Even reading the profiles a lot of men don't have a clue and say things like 'she must take me as I am warts and all', 'not try to change me', 'I am a man's man' etc.

This doesn't mean that they should put up a horrible photo in which they have a snarly expression and am in bad need of grooming.

Here are my tips for men:

• Wear clean up to date clothes (no sleeveless vests, football shirts, ratty t-shirts)
• Don't pose bare chested showing off your tatoos
• Comb your hair and have a recent hair cut, no comb overs, pony tails, mullets
• Smile and try to look friendly
• Don't pose with fish, beer cans, motorcycles etc.
• Don't send in your holiday snaps with sandels and socks
• Don't pose with your ex even if she is blacked out
• Don't add '69' to your name
• Don't use names with sexual connotations 'ribbed for her pleasure' or cheesey names 'prince of roses'
• Check your spelling and grammar. Some errors are forgivable
• Write more than a paragraph
• Be positive and don't give us your sob story 'I've been through a rough time....'
• Please do not say you are looking for your princess, baby, flower or woman

Sex Tips

Talk in bed - talk a lot, get him to share his most intimate fantasies and find out what reallt turns him on. Ask him about lingerie. Men have a fear that women will think they are perverts if they like women in the typical red split crotch panties. Let him know that women like that are too uptight. You are different.

• Try new things like massaging his prostate gland.
  


• Experiment using toys and let him use them on you.



• Keep your skin perfectly smooth and try completely bare.
  


• Try a porno movie - It needn't be sleazy - try watching Pirates together or the Art Core series. I also like Burlesque and have the mathing outfits. Dress up but equaly don't be shy about stripping it all off. Part of the point of dressing up in a sexy outfit is to get undressed.



• Make him slightly jealous. You want him to want to posses you. Talk about your previous relationships and make him feel a little bit of pain so he will think of them as rivals and try to prove himself superior.
  


• Let him do nice things for you and do nice things for him. But keep the things you do for him light and informal.



• Talk dirty to encourage openess and to let him know that you love sex.
  


• Use perfume subtely and choose scents that are erotic to men.
  


• Study his anatomy and take your time with foreplay. Pay attention to all of his erogenous zones including his nipples and learn what he likes.
  


• Try new positions and suggest things.
  


• Try performing oral sex alternating hot and cold liquids in you mouth. Use sauces with texture like Jack Daniels maple syrup and let him lick it off you.

How come the other women gets all the blame?

The Daily Mail's article "Why do we always blame the other woman when men have an affair?" asks a good question.

La perla clad evil temptresses love to show off thier bedroom arts as well as stretchmark free bodies in the company of successful, handsome and appreciative men. The ultimate appreciation is in him leaving his wife behind and becoming his trophey bride. Becoming the woman you've always wanted to be and marrying the man of your dreams. For a woman who has worked on her career, looks and social life she wants her counterpart an alpha male.

Looking for lady friend

Hallo I'm Geoff. And you are GORGEOUS! You remind me of someone, perhaps a B celeb, but I can't remember who it is. Anyhow, I am 51, separated for 11 months, living in Northolt Middx, and working at the moment in the City.I run my own company, and am looking for a ladyfriend for a bit of "excitement". I really am EXPECTING to hear from you!

Several things stick out about this and turn my stomache:

• I am 'working at the moment'
• "ladyfriend"
• "excitement"

If this add was on a contact website I wouldn't have batted an eyelash. However this gem posted on a dating website for people looking for 'love'. One only wonders why this gem is divorced?

A real love potion that says 'trust me'

There is no drug to make a man fall madly in love with you. But there is a chemical which could make him feel more at ease around you. Drugging a man to fall in love with you won't do much for your karma anyway. What oxytocin does is not that sinister.

New Scientist magazine has featured several articles on oxytocin which describes its effects.

What it can do is make people feel more at ease around you. This could be great for those first date jitters when you are hardly relaxed yourself let alone in control enough to make some one else feel relaxed around you.

Or what about the first time you have sex to help overcome 'performance anxiety'? The chemical will work on you as well. The suggestion is you spray it on your clothes that you are wearing. You could even spray it in on the bed sheets.

I've known about Oxytocin for awhile now and been impressed with the claims as well as the science behind it. I have never tried it mainly because it is only available on US sites which look less than trust worthy. But nothing ventured nothing gained. So another £17 lighter I have now added a two month's supply of Oxytocin to my arsonal.
Available online at: http://www.lovescent.com/

Trick for creating bedroom eyes that attract men

Bedroom eyes have now been scientifically proven to attract mates. To achieve the big pupil look apparently you must dim the lights. I am already a big fan of soft lighting. Not too soft though as guys get lots of stimuli visually. You don't want to have sex in the dark. Big mistake. Another trick is the new coloured lenses. Some of these are quite clever and add reflections to make your eyes sparkle (good for dim light) and a darker line around the eye to add definition.

Check out http://www.contactlenses.co.uk/ Don't forget your perscription and to see an eye doctor first to get fitted.

Learning the tactics and strategies for lasting love

The article in the Daily Mail has really got me thinking hard. It is not just because I have persued a career that I am single. I lost men to other women along the way and had guys who just weren't ready and then went and married the next girl they saw. I could have understood if the women were better looking, richer and offered more status. But in most cases it wasn't clear.
So in mission to spend the next two weeks as productive as possible I am going to invesitgate the laws of attraction.

Time to hit the books again. I downloaded Christian's Carter's ebook "Catch Him and Keep Him" and started reading that last night. I have also just ordered the delux DVD collection.

But that is only a part of it. Falling in love triggers a chemical process and that process is also what I want to master.

According to New Scientist Magazine chemistry is blame for allowing yourself to fall in love with a married man.

http://www.newscientist.com/channel/sex/love/dn9981

http://www.lovetactics.com/

Death of Sisterhood

The newspaper The Daily Mail renowned for infuriating middle england with stories of maurading gangs, hooded youths, criminal migrants, benefit cheats, scroungers etc. has now alarming married women all over Britian with tales of single career women stalking their husbands. Apparently sisterhood is dead and married men are now fair game.

Of course I am generalising but... When people marry young they choose partners largely for their potential. Women give up work to raise kids while other women go off to pursue careers. Men don't have to choose between career and family in the way that women do. Call it a midlife crisis but something happens in later life and people re-examine their choices. People some times grow appart. At work it is more of a level playing field between men and women and friendships develop. I've also met the wives of many a handsome and charming executive and found them dumpy, frumpy and incapable of holding a conversation on any topic except their kids and Eastenders.

Last night I did 20 minutes on the rowing machine. Note to self: do more.

Why internet dating names should be chosen with care.

With two weeks to myself I want to use the time wisely and do someting to improve my life. First thing set up some dates with prospective boyfriends. To do this I logged onto my account at Match.com . With a parade of losers like this it is a wonder I haven't lost my will to live as well as lack of interest in all men.

This gem is divorced, 51 (although he could easily pass for 60), kids and calls himself asyoulike69. Aaarggghhh. What is it with guys and the names? ridethenine anyone? He says he is looking to start life 'afresh'. In otherwords yet another one that has been married for 20 odd years and after having the life sucked out of him is now looking for a 'babe' to teach him how to be young again.

Nicho2 also winked (letting me know he likes me) at me from match. This one actually warranted my first angry response. The more I read the more insulted I felt. Nicho is 51, short, fat, bald, 3 kids, tatooed, unemployed with a highschool education and likes fish and steak pies. Nicho2 'dont read alot'. His travel includes 'spain' twice and he lives in Norwich. He says he didn't put a photo up because he doesn't have any flattering pictures of himself. Thank god. I think that would have pushed me over the edge.

There were a couple that had potential. If I had to judge the men I previously dated by what they looked like on paper I am sure I wouldn't have dated any of them. Least of all again the married man. Not that you would call that dating. But the fact he is younger, earns less than me and is heavily into sports would have ruled him out. So maybe I should give a few of the marginally attractive ones a go?

I think it is going to be a quiet week. I bought new table lamp for the bedroom. I think I might freshen up the decor a bit and buy myself another silk nightie for when Mark comes back.

Two weeks

I took the morning off work today and saw Loverboy for a bit of fun and games before he flies off to Thailand for his friend's wedding. It was great to see him and have some steamy sex. But I felt empty. The protection mechanism kicked in and is firmly in place, working well. I don't feel consumed by this affair or even like I will miss him. With two weeks to myself I want to use the tme wisely and make myself stronger, better and more in control. I can't afford to jepordise my self-esteem. I need to do all I can keep it healthy.

Numb

My jealous pang has eased off a bit. I think it was the whole couple thing with all weddings, anniversaries were an unwelcome reminder that it has been 6 years since my last boyfriend. To make matters worse my history of relationships has been crap. The last boyfriend was always saying, "I'm not in love with you, but you will do until somebody more my type comes into my life". It lasted 7 years. We saw each other at weekends when boredom would unite us. Sex was rare and equally boring.

There was only one serious relationship that could have seen me walking down the isle. That ended 20 years ago. He got into drugs and went as low as anyone could go. Cheated on me with strippers. Eventually he was stealing from friends, sleeping rough and knocked up a crack whore. Luckily I was long gone.

I wonder if that is what happens in a lot of relationships except not as extreme. One spouse moves up the scale and the other falls behind and gets fat.

Loverboy called at 11 pm last night drunk and in a bar. I noted that for 5 nights in a row he and his wife had conflicting plans each evening. Both of them work full time and clearly they don't spend much time with each other. He was getting ready to leave and wanted to know if he could stop by on the way home. "I have to see you", he said. "I have been thinking about you all day. I just want to see your face and hold you. God you sound sexy. "What are you wearing?".

He sounded disappointed when I said I was wearing just a pair of panties. "What no bra?" Bras don't feel comfortable as a sleeping garment. I was sleeping alone. I tried to explain but the bar was too noisy. He asked me to leave the hallway light on. I freshened myself up and checked that my home was tidy. I opened my lingere draw and slipped on a white baby doll top to match the panties. I went back to bed. He wouldn't be arriving for at least an hour and I am sure he would find away of waking me.

He loved the baby doll and in particular the panties. His colour is 'white' as he likes me to look pure and feminine. We kissed breifly before he pushed me back down on the bed and spread my legs. His fingers pushed my panties to one side as he fingered my clit and then slid his fingers in. Conversation was brief. He was here to pleasure me and make me moan. He reached into my toy box for my toys and started fucking me with one. He ordered me to get on all fours. I did as he asked knowing what would come next. He doesn't view fucking me with toys to be 'cheating' and it is also his fetish. I let out a moan as he inserted a large vibrator into my ass. I already had one in my pussy and being fucked by the two together was quite intense.

I came quite quickly. Instead of letting up he kept fucking me harder and faster varying his strokes and exploring my holes determined to make me come again and again. Occasionaly it became too intense and quite uncomfortable and I would let out a moan but mostly I moaned with pleasure. Wave after wave of pleasure. Mark loves playing with toys and was in his element.

After about an hour Talk about your previous relationships and make him feel a little bit of pain so he will think of them as rivals and try to prove himself superior.y had to go home to his wife and I was exhausted. Loverboy talked about wanting me to fuck him up the ass again but said it would have to wait for when he has more time. He didn't want to remove his clothes and go home with strange smells on him. This visit was all about me submitting myself to him.

I kept the conversation clear of my insecurities. Well I tried. I did make a comment about their 'romantic vacation'. The pictured of the bedroom cottage with its pretty thatched roof and four poster bed with beautiful white linen and sheer curtains blowing in the tropical breeze was stuck in my head. I've never been to a wedding. But I imagine that they are incredibly romantic and that romance is as infectious as sars. Everyone all talking about love, happiness with the champagne flowing and imaging a better future as a twosome.

"It is not a romantic vacation. We are only going because friends of ours are getting married." Sternly put words but, I reminded myself that he said just recently that he very much loves his wife. Just the day before he said again that he does not want to get divorced. How could he resist not getting swept up in the romance? They are the couple that everyone looks up to. You know the good looking, happy couple, ten years down the line with the beautiful home, great car and luxury lifestyle? They are living the dream. They have what everyone else wants.

It is exactly what I want minus the cheating husband.

When he left I felt numb. I am seeing him again tomorrow. We both have the day off. I sense his feelings for me are getting stronger while my heart is firmly encased in a protective shell.

Losing the plot

I am feeling pangs of jealously again. After a nice Monday night spent with Loverboy being very tender and emotional with me I spoke to him on the phone last night and could hear the excitement in his voice as they prepare for their trip to Thailand. They are leaving this Saturday for two weeks. The hotel they are staying in is 4 star and pure luxury. The picture of the infinity pool with an ocean view was amazing (he sent a link).

It apartently co-incides with their 10 year wedding aniversary and if that wasn't enough the wedding and reception of one of their oldest and best friends is also taking place there. His wife is the made of honour and he is the best man. He also asked me to help write his speech.

He came over while his wife was shopping for new outfits and handed me a card for my birthday and had sex with me (my present).

Thinking of his secret life softens the blow. I can't think of anything worse than to be married to a man who cheats. The marriage and trust is all but an illusion. The soon to be bride and groom look to them as role models. There were references in the speech how they hope that they 'may be as happy as we are'. sic

I checked my online dating site this morning and made a date with a guy for next week. Exact day to be confirmed. Hard to tell from the picture whether I will be attracted to him or not. The sooner I get a boyfriend the sooner I can end it with Loverboy.

Part in desperation and in part curiousity I went to a BSDM meet and greet party. Was weird walking into a room full of single men and women and knowing the reason we are all here is because we all like 'kinky sex'. It is a wide spectrum to be sure. But it wasn't hard to pick out people that wore their sexuality on their sleeve. Dominent or submissive? Mild BSDM or Hardcore S&M?

I got chatted up quite a bit. One older guy seemed particularily smitten but I felt repulsed by some one so much older and craggier than myself or my current lover.

I kept this quiet. I want to scream in anger at him and frustration that I am single and the situation I am in. That he should be sharing his life with one women but claiming to be in love with me. That I should still be single and seeing him when I am smart, funny, beautiful, thin, cultured, polite and have so much to offer.

Of course the only consolation is that I would rather be this side of his marriage than the other. I would hate to be in her shoes. Better to be single and independent than being cheated on.

Message

Finally the silence broke. "Hello sex kitten, I am feeling very horny. Any chance you will be home later?" He then sent me a text about being in meetings and that he will call me tonight. Sounds promising. Looking forward to being tied up and have him do terrible things to me for a change. I wonder where his wife is tonight? I sent her an email about the 'voice mail' but she hasn't responded.

Suspence

Saturday morning I checked my answer machine and there on the call display was his wife's cell phone number but no message. I rang back and received no answer. I tried them on their home line and only got their answer machine. I didn't leave a message. The likely scenario is that she accidently activated her phone and it dialed my number. But it does raise another possibility.

That possibility is becoming increaingly worrying. Normally he calls me every morning after he leaves for work. This morning nothing. I am tempted to call him or at least send a text.

I don't dare for fear of the worst. If she does know or at least suspects my text message may confirms it. Better to sit tight.

Tried distracting myself by checking my inbox for my online dating profile. Depressing - 4 messages 2 a bit tatooed and 'oi mate', 1 in his 50's but could easily 'get on the bus for free' and the last one separated from a 22 year old marriage with 3 kids and looking to start life over. Poor guy looks like he has had his life sapped from him.

At least my career is on an upswing. I am about to accept a very prestigious post. It comes with an attractive salary. Not huge, but this will up my profile considerably in my industry. I sometimes wonder if my career is to blame for being single. I was watching Sex in the City where Miranda went speed dating as a partner in a law firm and got zero intrest until she said she was a 'trolly dolly'. Ping she got a date from a doctor. Ok he lied as well but she got laid.

Of course it never would have worked out. But it got me to wondering why and not for the first time. I always thought that if I became a high quality woman I would attract a high quality man. Again I not talking about money. I am no gold digger. What I want is an easy and pleasant life. I want travel, adventure, a comfortable home, warmth, security and to do something I enjoy and that makes a difference.

"Attracting and dating a beaultiful, educated and successful woman in not every guy's cup of tea. Unlike women with basic education, special skills are required to date these women."

The article above is certainly true for me, but I never knew these were special skills. I thought not using cheesey chat up lines and trying to get a woman to go back to yours on a first date applied to all women? I never realised these were rules that are unknown to men as they only apply to a very small sample and special classification of women, 'educated womean' only. Jeepers more argument for pro-education I say! Time to educate the men as well.

When a man goes out with a woman, he’s not as concerned with whether she’s articulate and on track to make partner at the law firm.

I've heard it said when a man works hard he is providing for his families future and is doing it for them. He wants to be a good provider and for them to have a good standard of living. It is no different for me. I wouldn't be able to afford my own home and be comfortable otherwise. The interesting point in this article is the application of a double standard. It suggests men see successful women as the opposite of easy and pleasant. The flip side of good character traits. They preceive that successful women will be more difficult and opinionated as well as put pressure on them to achieve even though those are the end goals for us as well.

An easy and a pleasant life. Who wouldn't want that?

It also is the same reason why men cheat rather than rock the boat. I just hope for all of us that the boat isn't rockng.

Lasting impression

The text messages yesterday told me everything. I was on his mind from the second he woke until he walked in the door of his marital home. The previous evenings activities left him wanting more and feeling very 'sexed up'. To use his words. He was also imagining where to take things next. So am I, hence I am still reading for ideas for next time. It also means that I will need to go shopping again for a few new toys.

Emotion?

I love it when a plan comes together. As soon as I arrived home I tidied up and ran the vacuum around. The scented candles were lit and I drew myself a nice hot bath adding some bathing salts. I love lying in the bath surrounded by my lotions and potions watching the steam rise up against the flickering candles. A glass of wine in the bath is marvelous.

I had a nice pampering session giving myself a facial, manicure, pedicure and skin treatment. The coconut and vanilla body lotion felt wonderful as it glided all over my body. I massaged it in slowly taking care around my pussy which was shaved completely as it tingled. Afterwwards I put on one of his favourite outfits and mine. I don't know what is about lingerie but I am addicted to dressing up for sex.

I went to bed to read from some of the books I purchased earlier. I let myself drift off to sleep a bit with the candles in the bedroom still lit. When I heard the key in the lock I laid still for him to come to me.

The sight that greeted him was met with approval. He told me how much he wanted to fall asleep with me in his arms. The sex was amazing. But what amazed me even more was how emotional and loving towards me he seemed. It would have been so nice to let myself go and fall in love. However firmly planted in my mind was that "He is a married man who will be going to home to his wife and their beautiful home. He is a liar, a cheater and a coward. Given the chance he would be just as disloyal to me. He is a dog. No matter what happens I deserve better."

I tried not to let him penatrate my heart and just focussed on our mutual pleasure. His image of being a good husband is nothing more than a sham.

Tonight's activities

Got a text message that Loverboy is out with his work mates tonight. His wife is visiting some relatives. So separate activities mean that he will be stopping by for an hour on the way home. I am so happy that I have no plans for tonight and will be home. I am so horny and looking forward to his having his wicked way with me. He is a very playful lover and like to dig his fingers deep inside and make me cum at least 5 times before he fucks me. When he leaves I am always exhausted.

In one session he used various toys on me for 4 hours non stop. He has asked me to get the toys ready. Of course they are always cleaned and put away each time. However the house and particular the bedroom is a bit messy, so I will need to do a little tidy. It usually is by the end of the week.

Hitting the books

All this sex is making me want more not less. Prior to this affair my last meaningful relationship ended 2 years ago. After suffering a two year drought its great to be complimented for my talents. I love sucking cock and being able to deliver an amazing blow job is a great feeling.

But there is always more to learn. On the days we don't see each other it is good to keep the anticipation running at full tilt. Rude little texts and some pervy phone sex really keeps us on heat. Coco de Mer one of my favourite shops has a fabulous selection of books on everything from being dominent to phone sex. After picking out a selection I am now hitting the books to improve my art even more.

Speaking of hitting I couldn't resist this cute paddle! Wonder who it will be used on first?

Tips for Dating a Married Man

I found so far the whole experience very liberating! Encounters with Mark are extroadinary and all about fantasy. And is the way it should be. A wonderful sexual dreamscape.

1. Let him come to you and do all the calling.


2. Remember he is married and it is probably not going to change anytime soon, if ever.


3. Talk only with someone you trust and who doesn't know his wife.


4. Don't ask or talk about the future. Always stay in the present.


5. Make yourself available for dates with other men and keep your eyes open for his replacement. You don't owe him your fidelity.


6. You don't need to know what he is doing when he is not with you. Keep your life brief as well.


7. Make your time together exceptional. Stock his favourite tipple, light candles (scented)


8. Wear you best lingerie and use him to make yourself feel great. Indulge youself and buy more. When you are having amazing sex £175 for a nightdress seems reasonable. http://www.luxuryfrenchlingerie.com/


9. Experiment sexually. This is a safe situation for you to as he has more to lose by telling tales.


10. Don’t expect anything and you won’t be disappointed.


11. You don’t know what really goes in their marriage so don't assume or take his word as gospel.


12. Don’t try to force change or trap him.


13. Listen to him and don't blab on about your life. Watch his body language and enjoy his company.


14. Don’t ask questions, you may not like the answers to, like his vacation with his wife.

Lots of women get involved with married men. Statistics say 40% of married men will cheat at some point. It is almost just as high for women as well. There are also times when it suits such as in between relationships or not just wanting to get serious. You get the company of a man with lots of sex and no strings. You also get your freedom.

Does your decor create a positve effect on the libido?

Yesterday, I stopped by Loverboys house to give him a wake-up call. I prefer my own home and don't like to do it in some one else's bed. That increases the risk factor as well as adding insult to injury. He insisted and curiousity about what their bedroom would be like also motivated me.

He left the door open and I walked up the stairs to find him lying naked in their small bed waiting for me. The room smelled musky and stale. Glaring sunlight streamed through the net curtains almost blinding me. I guess it was what you'd expect from a subhurban married couple's bedroom. It was a little bit sad that it was the least lavishly decorated room in the house. I didn't feel my usual and erotic self.

Expensive furnishings were reserved for the rooms they entertain in, the living room, dining room etc. I sat down beside him on the cheap tacky blue and yellow poly-cotton duvet cover and placed my handbag on her bedside table next to her brick-a-bac. My handbag never looked so out of place.

The table lamps looked like they cost £10, if that, and had the same dingy patern as the duvet cover. The lemon coloured walls had a boarder of wallpaper with the same pattern. Probably from Argos, years ago. The bed seemed very small. . The furniture was cheap white MDF.

It got me thinking to the effect of good bedroom decor on the libido. My own bedroom is decorated in rich browns, reds, pink and black.

My tips for a seductive bedroom decor are:

• Choose good colours for sex: reds, black, purple (not lilac), pinks (warm and rich with darker colours), creams (again with darker colours), flesh colours, gold, metalics, dark browns and maroons.


• The bigger and more dramatic the bed the better. Think of it as a stage. Don't discount sleigh beds for the kinky appeal - ropes can be wound around the feet.


• Don't go for Divans - yuck!!


• Luxurious artwork and the more erotic the better. Big and oversized is best.


• Lots of pillows and cushions - these will come in handy ;-)


• Reflective surfaces and large mirrors


• Beautiful Dressing table (minimum of make up and perfume)


• Lots of texture- fur throws, leather, silk, satan and some rougher surfaces ;-)


• Toy box for your stash of toys (the more the better) as well as


• lotions, oils, room scents, lubes, etc.


• Lamps with soft diffused lighting


• Rich draps (no net curtains!) or blinds if the decor is ultra chic and modern

My favourite shops for the bedroom are Coco de Mer and And So to Bed! I guarantee you won't get a solid night's sleep! If you are still not convinced that the bedroom is worthy of luxury furniture consider that this is the place where you will spend approximately 1/3 of your life. The right matress can make a huge difference in getting a good night's sleep as well preventing back aches.

Our first vacation together

Can't wait until he can sneak away for 10 whole days with me.

expirement

After 3 months we are comfortable with each other and the situation. I can predict which nights I will see him and almost every opportunity is taken advantage of.

A few weeks ago I brought him a prostrate massaging toy by Nexus and treated him to his first anal penetration. He trusts me enough to use it on him along with other toys now. He absolutely loves it.

Like a lot of men he associated anal sex with being gay. But after witnessing me in the full throws of pleasure at having a vibrator inserted in my ass he wanted to try it himself.

This has now given us more options.... Such as me giving him a blow job while penetrating him anally or using a double ended vibrator so we can penetrate each other and grind it into each other.

Now we are opening up to each other and discussing our most private fantasies and trying new things. Sex is now an incredible game for us to play. He said that he never knew sex could be like this and he finds normal sex boring now. Telling me, "I've never felt like this before and had feelings so strong for anyone else", he told me one night. I feel exactly the same way. I had a boyfriend and sex just involved the missionary position with me lying there staring at the ceiling.
I always wished sex could be like this.

The only problem is it might be difficult to go back to regular sex.

Why men cheat

I know Mark loves his wife. I know they have a good marriage. He is the type of husband that any woman would dream of wanting for a husband. Their home is beautiful and warm. They are both successful and have an enviable lifestyle.

So why does he cheat?

Generally there are 3 reasons why men cheat.

1. They don't want to leave a relationship without the support of another person so choose to an exit affair. In this they sometimes want to get caught. The affair is their ticket out as well as validation they can still get some one else and support!
   
2. The marriage has broken down but they don't want to leave for reasons of children, financial and the hassle. It is an easy way to have their cake and eat it too. Often they have grown appart or she hasn't aged as well.
   
3. Boredom, sexual needs not being met and a crime of opportunity. This is the man who will lie, deny it and when faced with over whelming evidence will appologise profusely and say it is all a mistake but a year later will do it again. Once they get a taste for it they will do it again.

I think he is in the third group. He seems to regard this as temporary and fun thing. I know because he talks so fondly of his relationship with his wife and always uses the words us, we, ours etc. He seems happy being married.

While he is holding me in my arms telling me how much he cares for me, how gorgeous I am and how much he enjoys spending time I remind myself that this a man who loves his wife and who cheats.

Out of the three he is the worst kind.

Money

I was having a girlie chat with some friends when one girl admitted that in her early years at college she entered into a couple of relationships with married men. Although she didn’t consider herself a prostitute she was ‘funded’ and she probably wouldn’t have entered into the relationship if he hadn’t promised to ‘help her’.

I looked over at S. I expected her, as a married woman, to be horrified by all these disclosures. To my astonishment she wasn’t. She said that there have been times that the one of the reasons they have stayed together was money. As a couple they a fantastic lifestyle and if they were to split up that would all change. She only ever dated men who had a good income and couldn’t see any thing wrong with expecting the man you are in a relationship with to contribute financially. The second reason was their social circle, family and all the disappointment it would cause.

I want to be married so badly but I admit that those two things scare me as well. What if it doesn't work out? What would it be like to come out the other side?

Now I was the one shocked. Of course S has never worked. She understands why women want to. But she doesn’t need the power and security a job brings as she already has it. Two words strike fear into any married man with money, ‘fifty percent’.

S said she thinks I am foolish not to ask him for upkeep. For me though that is one line I never want to cross. I can’t get out of my head that women who get paid are prostitutes not some one’s lover.

S says that she traded her life, her fertility, her time, her body, maid service, counselling and so on for money and status. Of course love was part of it. But money, and the ability to provide her with the lifestyle and identity she wanted, was the first criteria that had to be met.

Lies and damed lies

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Discovery

The affair has really been going well every since the quickie. We are now spending more time together and he has even stayed the night. Because we do have genuine feelings for each other the sex is passion charged. We like to play games and explore some of the kinkier aspects. The fact that is married is a saftey net for me as well. I've been in relationships where my partner has looked at me with disdain for suggesting certain things. I feel freer and more honest than I have ever been.

For a man who says he has never done anything like this he seems incredibly comfortable with the situation.

I decided to play detective and see what my naughty boy has been up to. I found him very quickly. He made no effort to disguise himself on a 'no strings attached sex wanted site'. I was less shocked than I thought I would be. The feeling of relief washed away any guilt.

He listed his desires as 'lunchtime quickies' and afterwork sessions as well as weekend time on occasion. According to his profile his online activities stopped about the same time as his 'indecent proposal'.

Considering the site is quite 'down market' as well I can't help but wonder about the women he is likely to attract.

I wonder which is worse... some guy posting his details on a site and with possibly dozens of partners going back years or having a mistress and a safer option.

Late night visitor

Loverboy and I met for lunch yesterday. What transpired was nothing more than a friendly chat between friends without any hint of adulterous activities. As we are both in the same industry and we mainly discussed work. Without as much as a peck of the cheek or even a single touch we said our goodbyes. Later that night I received a SMS message asking me to 'get my toy out' and get ready for phone sex. When it was over he was emotional. I couldn't quite make out what he was saying. He did make it clear this wasn't just about sex and he wanted a bigger role in my life.

The Rules of Being a Good Mistress

This morning my married lover and I rode together for work when his earlier train was cancelled. He was telling me about his plans for the weekend and the next vacation he is taking his wife on, receipes they like to cook together and everything else. I just listened and tried to be understanding. He really does love her and doesn't want his marriage to end. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone. He wants me to continue to see me and for me to be his wife’s friend. He says if I don't become his wife’s friend he will end it with me. They live in a gorgeous house and have the life I envy. My situation is weaker than the two of them together but better than if they were single like me.

I have now been given the rules. I am now adjusting to living under a different set of rules.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A878204

I am using these as a starting point to write my own Manifesto and set clear boundaries so I do not get ‘swallowed’ up in this. The apart about remaining emotionally detached and not falling in love is unfortunately already too late for me. I am in love.

Dating progress

I am still dating. Being a mistress offers no long term guarantee of commitment. Tonight I checked my inbox on Match.com and found this gem had winked at me.

Sadly he had no photo. But his stats are: age is 47; occupation 'student'; salary less than 12k; divorced; smokes regularily (I said in my profile I hate smoking) and here is the best bit his 'about me'.....

for fun:
I'm one of the last great english eccentrics, i live my life as a work of art.an existentialist zen poet.i
am orange, you are purple, chin chun chong, bad boy, 3.15 fontwell, bet a pony , win a monkey.I have nothing to declare except my Gnu...
favorite hot spots:
i would like to take my date up" the road less travelled"
favorite things:
smoking drinking
last read:
I read the Guardian Obits every morning... if i'm not in there then it is quite possible i'll get up at some point during the
day...

About that last bit - One can only hope!