A man pleaser?

Mad Men, the new American tv show portrays advertising in the 50's and provides an interesting comparison for women now. The women in the show are a mix of pre-feminist stereotypes - socially ambitious secretaries, the perfect stay-at-home wives and the free spirited mistresses.

Further back there were the Geishas and Tanyu of Japan who were celebrated by men and treated with indifference by wives. Never mind that most didn't choose that lifestyle but were sold by their parents as children. Surely it wasn't normal for women not to be married and have children? They were fashionistas and free spirits. In their world they were independent and although they were artisans first they were also business women. At a time when women didn't work or own business they did. In the flower and willow world they owned the Geisha houses, Geisha schools, agencies and tea houses.

Like the saying the more things change the more they stay the same. Now books like the Domestic Godess and shops like Cath Kidson are supposed to be ironic. Ironic really? Is ironing, cleaning and looking after kids ironic too? Is it ironic that I have ended up a mistress? How did it come to that? I chose freedom, a career and no kids but I still beleived that I would marry for life.

In Mad Men Mrs Don Drapper says to the secretary without a hint of irony "you probably know him more than I do" as she sits there waiting for him with her brood. Later she says to her friend "I really expect the royal treatment when I walk into his office (by the other staff)... but it's like walking into another country where I don't speak the language".

Funny I faced this same senario. My boss's wife came in with their two kids to pick him (he was taking the afternoon off) and sat at his desk while he was in a meeting. She looked at me as if to say 'look after them (her children)' while she went to the washroom. She acted really smug as if to say 'I am the boss's wife'. Damn girl are you delusional or what? The man is an idiot. A skirt chasing idiot that catches no one try as he might though. He's a pig who is on his way out and the sooner the better. He eats lunch with no one. She came back and I did my best to try to look busy. I later chatted to my co-workers about it. Whether she is the wife of the CEO or the wife of the janitor to us her status is the same.

This is a top 5 London ad agency that could give Mad Men a run for the title. In fact Loverboy works there. He of course is not the only one screwing around on his wife. It is still the done thing don't you know.

The only really difference between then and now is fashion. The creatives now are a scruffy looking lot. On a night out the best they can hope for is for some one to mistake them for the foul-mouthed fame seekers Tower of London. Everything else is the same including their over importance about what they do. They've modernised nothing. In fact the agency I am mentioning is only just embracing the digital age and putting in an inhouse web team. It is fraught with pain and drama. Never mind that else where the internet is worth billions and billions and people behave like grown ups. They are insisting they do it their way.

Damn anyone who gets in their way. Point this out to them and you are shown the door by the head gimp in his long greasy hair, black jeans and converse trainers.

What would be scarier greasy-boy's wife or his mistress?

Sex the marital way

Last night I got properly fucked. Generally he is not that big on fucking. Loverboy has had he cock in me before. He likes playing a lot more with includes having me suck him off. Regular sex is what he does with his wife. At one point he told me that he didn't consider playing properly cheating. But last night he was begging me to let him fuck me (make love to me). His wife had gone to bed and I was left alone with him in the living room again.

His erection went on forever and he was really me fucking me hard. I was trying to restrain myself from making too much noise. He felt so great it was hard to control myself.

An unexpected end to an evening at the theatre and the post theatre meal. I was expecting to just go home. He was the furthest thing from my mind. I was busy discussing with my friend how fabulous the restaurant was and the show. It was great evening out. Just as we were finishing we decided to share a taxi to Waterloo as we could both easily catch our trains there in plenty of time.

I kissed my friend good night and walked down to the end of platform and passed the time by reading my program. I barely looked up as the train arrived. I boarded the train and was walking down the carriage to a grab a seat by the window. When I heard a familar voice calling my name I turned to see Loverboy sitting with his wife. I accepted the invite to join them.

As agreed I would text message my earlier friend to confirm I caught the train ok. I looked down at my phone and noticed an incomming text message from Loverboy, "Hi gorgeous I am on the train sitting on the last carriage". He had expected to meet me. Both of them were quite tipsy. His wife was even falling asleep as he was making googly eyes at me.

At then came the invite for a night cap. Of course I knew what that would mean. However after not seeing him for a week I gave in.

Clearly not seeing me has had an impact on him too.

Grass is green and so is jealously

Loverboy and I have had a few more opportunities than usual and spoken to each other daily as well as seeing each other all but one day. A lot of our time is spent having sex. However we do a fair amount of talking. This week we met for a drink and rode home together in a taxi chatting away. I tell him about my dating progress, the old boyfriend that crawled out the woodwork, my work, what my plans are for the week, what his plans are for the week, things in the news, the weather and anything really.

Everything except his relationship with his wife. I don't ask. In part because I fear the answer. I suspect it is going well and things are good at the moment. All the signs are there. They are planning their vacations for this year. He is talking about his promotion and thinking to the future when they might be able to afford a bigger house.

We have no plans. The closest we have to a plan is date when he thinks his wife will be out. Nothing is certain. I have no plans. I would love a bigger house but I can't afford it on my own. I would love to travel but I hate the idea of travelling on my own. I have plans to out with friends but that is all part of my regular routine. When you are single and live alone you go out for the sake of going out. It is hardly a special occasion.

A special occasion for me was when he carried my bag of garbage down to the street for me. The grass is always greener....

Morning wake up call

On the way to work this morning I stopped by Loverboy's. He sent me a text to let me know the Mrs was gone for the day. The door was open as he said it would be. I removed my shoes and tip-toed up the stairs to find him lying naked in the marital bed. I leaned on the bed over him and kissed his lips. I lowered the cover to play with his nipples and lick them. I took turns alternating sucking each nipple. I then lowered the cover even lower and stroked his cock. I caressed his balls and massaged his inner thighs. Then I put his cock in my mouth I began to suck lowering my mouth on his cock and then raising my mouth. I increased the intensity and sucked hard. I could feel him swelling and starting to cum. I prepared myself to swallow and then he shot a big load into my mouth. I relaxed and let it all come into my mouth so I could swallow it all without choking. I swallowed his cum easily and then licked his cock as it relaxed.

I kissed him on the mouth and then I stood up to leave. He followed me to lock the door behind me. I put my shoes back on, picked up my handbag and said good bye. I continued my journey to work, having completed my morning wake up call.

Moment of jealously

Chatted with Loverboy all day using messenger. The conversation was quite mundane and not as horny as our usual banter. I was trying not to feel insecure. When I asked him what he did last night he said he and his wife shared a bottle of wine and discussed where to go on holiday. Venice, Rome, Tuscany, Prauge and a whole list of romantic destinations were rambled off. Every year they have about 3-4 holidays a year. I haven't been on proper holiday since my last relationship ended 7 years ago.

It all sounded so wonderful and a perfect way to spend an evening. How could I feel anything except jealously?

If only I could find a decent single guy and end this madness. I went onto Match.com to check my inbox and see is I can spot more guys to send out some winks to. Desperation is kicking in.

New Year's Eve

Spending New Year's Eve alone. I had hoped to go to his house with another couple and at least be in the same room as him to ring in the new year. We spent a wonderful Chistmas Eve together and a a few days in between. Everything was going great and then we had a very boozy day out. We met his wife late in the day.

My behaviour with him was flirtatious throughout. I kept touching him in front of his wife. I got so drunk I made a complete ass of myself. Listening to my list of crimes I can't even comphrehend what I was thinking or going trough my mind.

Apparently I was falling down drunk and completely crazy. Miraculously she still doesn't suspect. But we can't risk another encounter like that. Or rather he can't. He doesn't want a divorce and his life ruined.

So while everyone else is counting down the New Year I am home alone. He came over today and all is forgotten he said. But then he wanted sex.

I think he understands more than me my mind and that I have a harder time than him compartmentalising my relationships. He is my boyfriend and I want everyone to know.

But to him I am still number 2. It is easy to say my NY resolution is to end it and get a new boyfriend. I looked at my dating inbox and it doesn't hold much promise.

In fact it is depressing. I am attractive, healthy, well to do and outwordly have a lot going for me. Tonight I cried that year after year nothing is changing.

A friend of mine called me to cry on my shoulder that her recent boyfriend turned out to be a fraud. Completely. Married for a start. He was supposed to be a weathly singleton. She never even cared about the money. But his disappearances when he was supposedly out of the country on business he was playing the dutiful husband and father.

The fact that Mark can cheat so blantantly on his wife and take so many chances and then tell me he loves her "deeply" in next breath makes me hate him.

I think it was hate that inspired me to behave so badly that night.

Hope and desperation are the reasons he is still in my life.

Christmas Romance

Loverboy and his wife and I have have made several arrangements to see each other over Christmas. It may not be the romantic Christmas of my dreams but it will have to do along with a few stolen hours when she is out.

10 very bad things

1. I am seeing a good friend's husband
2. They live on my doorstep
3. I am falling in love with him
4. He says he loves me
5. She is a nice person who puts her all into their marriage and tries to be the perfect wife
6. I would make a lousey wife in the traditional sense
7. We both are engaging in very kinky sex and getting kinkier
8. We live in a tightly knit community
9. It would ruin our entire lives if we were caught
10. Both of us love what we are doing too much to stop

Another Secret

After spending Friday evening and the weekend with Loverboy I feel closer to him than ever and judging by the amount of attention I have been getting and the things he has been saying it would be nice to conclude he feels the same way.

However men are better at prioritising logical thoughts over emotional thoughts better than women. It is far easier for a man to feel passionate love for one woman and a more respectful and stable love for another.

I may have him telling me he loves me and lusting over me all the time but the real battle for his heart hasn't even started.

Earlier Friday I had another date with a guy named Chris who works from home as a mortgage advisor. Sadly he wasn't as attractive as in his photo probably due to it being at least 5 years out of date. The conversation was ok but he just really wasn't my type and without the chemical spark I was left lusting after Loverboy again.

The weekend revolved all around sex as it often does. However I am actively encouraging him because the effects of capturing a man's interest through sex can never be underestimated. Sex is the most powerful weapon I have. The first rule is that every moment spent with me should be as pleasurable as possible. The second is to let him talk and open up. Reflective listing and meeting his emotional needs is the key to creating emotional dependence.

The secrets we share have broadened. I now know that he has spent money on a couple of items his wife would find frivolous even though he can afford it and they are worthwhile. This may seem small and petty but it is actually a huge step forward from being purely a sex toy to being his confidant and friend.

Reminder that divorce can be murder

I was watching the Any Fisher story. It was a quiet night in and there was bugger all else on TV. My Loverboy is no 'Buttafucco' and I am certainly not an 'Amy' but there were a few striking similarities.

Buttafucco (B) was being romantinc saying 'I love you' and paying Amy (A) all sorts of compliments while having no intention of leaving his wife.

If what I saw was true and actually did happen and not over fictionalised or skewed then it's interesting to analyse what the dynamics were.

B paged A whenever he had time and he was in the mood for 'sex'. Loverboy lets me know when he thinks there will be 'opportunities' and we plan around his availability. It is a loose arrangement because we never now how the opportunities will pan out. If his wife is going out with her friends for an evening we will pencil it in. But until the day comes and she actually leaves the house it could always be called off. Not to mention he needs to be back home and washed (removing any smells) before she gets home. This is a typical scenario.

B told A he loved and acted very romantically at times. I get this too. It is tough because I could let myself fall so easily in love. Sometimes I think I would love to have him to myself but I keep reminding myself that he can afford to let himself go and forget about her when he is with me and get carried away. I can't because when he gets up to go home to her it will hurt. If I remember his faults and that he is a lying cheating rat then I am more than happy to send him home with his dirty socks while I retire to my bath for long lingering soak in post orgasmic bliss.

Ok Amy was no innocent and I suppose she thought having an older married man after her was an ego boost. That much is true for me too.

But it isn't just Amy that turned to murder. Adultery has been one of the biggest reasons of domestic violence including murder and suicides. These two may seem like buffoons but the newspapers are full of stories of more sensible seeming people who went off the rails.

Last night Loverboy was saying how much he wanted to see to me and to caress me, running my fingers through my hair, smelling my perfume and to be able to spend the night with me and fall asleep with me in my arms... etc. etc. I reminded myself that these are cliches of typical romantic fantasies that everyone has and saying them makes the moment (and the sex) sweeter.

This is giving him a 'fix' nothing more. I am getting my fix too.

He wanted to take a chance and sneak off to my place without knowing how long his wife would be out for. I decided it wasn't worth the risk and made excuses.

Of course I got 'but I just want to see you and to hold your head in my arms'. I stuck to my firm no and we gave it a miss.

I read that there are three 'brains' the emotional brain, the thinking brain and the physical brain.

Ive added a new rule never go with your emotional brain.

The practice boyfriend

Loverboy makes a great practice boyfriend. Plus I get the sex. I do how slim the odds of him leaving his wife are no matter how much I scheme. It would be nice but the goal is a serious relationship and a husband and not necessarily him.

I know that if I allow to fall in love with him I could get hurt. Only I can make myself vulnerable. Only I control my emotions.

This week I have about 4 more dates with prospective men lined up. I look at them as the real targets. The successful, good looking and available men that I accept dates with actually have more potential than Loverboy.

Loverboy has his faults; cowardice, lying, cheating

My affair has given me an enormous ego boost. It has raised my self-confidence out of some dark pit of despair. I have new wardrobe complete with sexy lingere and I am learning loads about love and sex. I have learned new tricks as well as sharpening my conversation and flirting skills.

I also stopped him from cheating with random strangers off that contact site I found him on.

Who knows the practice boyfriend may become the real boyfriend, only time will tell.

Why men leave.

Everyone knows the saying "men never leave". Then then there is the book "why men leave" plus the divorce rate. Clearly men do leave. Sometimes at least.

With the cheaters it is the minority who leave.

Divorce is almost always initiated by the wife. If he got caught then chances are the choice would be out of his hands. The stigma of being outed as the 'other woman' is not a label I want, so I too am happy to maintain the status quo. I hope that his marriage will break down and he will leave of his own accord.

I've been looking into the reasons why men do leave and what I can do to tip the scales in favour of me:

• My income needs to be better than hers to create financial incentive (house value etc)


• I need to be in better shape - more feminine, more healthy


• I need to be more nurturing, supportive, loving and kinder (more deserving of love)


• Tune my hobbies to be of more interest to him


• Better home maker


• Offer him higher social status

5 hours a good sign

The email arrived at 1 pm yesterday. I hesitated before opening it and poured myself a glass of wine. It was lunch. Two weeks of sun and an infinity pool may have worked love-magic. They could be loved up again while I was to be shoved away. Perhaps he missed me even more or perhaps just the sex?

Most people prefer the devil they know to uncertainty. It is very unlikely he will ever leave his wife. Most divorces are initiated by the wife. The email revealed the affair is still very much on.

Hi Beautiful.... can't wait to see you again... I had an amazing time and I am missing you....

5 hours had elapsed between the email and the plane landing. This was a great sign. A considering my arsonal of contact lenses, books, DVDs, new lingere, bedroom decor and the oxytocin ready for another round of the game.

This morning I ran into his wife in the shop and asked her how her holiday in Thailand was she said it was 'ok'. She didn't sound as though she enjoyed it much. It would be too much wishful thinking to take that as proof that there marriage is on the rocks.

How come the other women gets all the blame?

The Daily Mail's article "Why do we always blame the other woman when men have an affair?" asks a good question.

La perla clad evil temptresses love to show off thier bedroom arts as well as stretchmark free bodies in the company of successful, handsome and appreciative men. The ultimate appreciation is in him leaving his wife behind and becoming his trophey bride. Becoming the woman you've always wanted to be and marrying the man of your dreams. For a woman who has worked on her career, looks and social life she wants her counterpart an alpha male.

Numb

My jealous pang has eased off a bit. I think it was the whole couple thing with all weddings, anniversaries were an unwelcome reminder that it has been 6 years since my last boyfriend. To make matters worse my history of relationships has been crap. The last boyfriend was always saying, "I'm not in love with you, but you will do until somebody more my type comes into my life". It lasted 7 years. We saw each other at weekends when boredom would unite us. Sex was rare and equally boring.

There was only one serious relationship that could have seen me walking down the isle. That ended 20 years ago. He got into drugs and went as low as anyone could go. Cheated on me with strippers. Eventually he was stealing from friends, sleeping rough and knocked up a crack whore. Luckily I was long gone.

I wonder if that is what happens in a lot of relationships except not as extreme. One spouse moves up the scale and the other falls behind and gets fat.

Loverboy called at 11 pm last night drunk and in a bar. I noted that for 5 nights in a row he and his wife had conflicting plans each evening. Both of them work full time and clearly they don't spend much time with each other. He was getting ready to leave and wanted to know if he could stop by on the way home. "I have to see you", he said. "I have been thinking about you all day. I just want to see your face and hold you. God you sound sexy. "What are you wearing?".

He sounded disappointed when I said I was wearing just a pair of panties. "What no bra?" Bras don't feel comfortable as a sleeping garment. I was sleeping alone. I tried to explain but the bar was too noisy. He asked me to leave the hallway light on. I freshened myself up and checked that my home was tidy. I opened my lingere draw and slipped on a white baby doll top to match the panties. I went back to bed. He wouldn't be arriving for at least an hour and I am sure he would find away of waking me.

He loved the baby doll and in particular the panties. His colour is 'white' as he likes me to look pure and feminine. We kissed breifly before he pushed me back down on the bed and spread my legs. His fingers pushed my panties to one side as he fingered my clit and then slid his fingers in. Conversation was brief. He was here to pleasure me and make me moan. He reached into my toy box for my toys and started fucking me with one. He ordered me to get on all fours. I did as he asked knowing what would come next. He doesn't view fucking me with toys to be 'cheating' and it is also his fetish. I let out a moan as he inserted a large vibrator into my ass. I already had one in my pussy and being fucked by the two together was quite intense.

I came quite quickly. Instead of letting up he kept fucking me harder and faster varying his strokes and exploring my holes determined to make me come again and again. Occasionaly it became too intense and quite uncomfortable and I would let out a moan but mostly I moaned with pleasure. Wave after wave of pleasure. Mark loves playing with toys and was in his element.

After about an hour Talk about your previous relationships and make him feel a little bit of pain so he will think of them as rivals and try to prove himself superior.y had to go home to his wife and I was exhausted. Loverboy talked about wanting me to fuck him up the ass again but said it would have to wait for when he has more time. He didn't want to remove his clothes and go home with strange smells on him. This visit was all about me submitting myself to him.

I kept the conversation clear of my insecurities. Well I tried. I did make a comment about their 'romantic vacation'. The pictured of the bedroom cottage with its pretty thatched roof and four poster bed with beautiful white linen and sheer curtains blowing in the tropical breeze was stuck in my head. I've never been to a wedding. But I imagine that they are incredibly romantic and that romance is as infectious as sars. Everyone all talking about love, happiness with the champagne flowing and imaging a better future as a twosome.

"It is not a romantic vacation. We are only going because friends of ours are getting married." Sternly put words but, I reminded myself that he said just recently that he very much loves his wife. Just the day before he said again that he does not want to get divorced. How could he resist not getting swept up in the romance? They are the couple that everyone looks up to. You know the good looking, happy couple, ten years down the line with the beautiful home, great car and luxury lifestyle? They are living the dream. They have what everyone else wants.

It is exactly what I want minus the cheating husband.

When he left I felt numb. I am seeing him again tomorrow. We both have the day off. I sense his feelings for me are getting stronger while my heart is firmly encased in a protective shell.

Message

Finally the silence broke. "Hello sex kitten, I am feeling very horny. Any chance you will be home later?" He then sent me a text about being in meetings and that he will call me tonight. Sounds promising. Looking forward to being tied up and have him do terrible things to me for a change. I wonder where his wife is tonight? I sent her an email about the 'voice mail' but she hasn't responded.

Emotion?

I love it when a plan comes together. As soon as I arrived home I tidied up and ran the vacuum around. The scented candles were lit and I drew myself a nice hot bath adding some bathing salts. I love lying in the bath surrounded by my lotions and potions watching the steam rise up against the flickering candles. A glass of wine in the bath is marvelous.

I had a nice pampering session giving myself a facial, manicure, pedicure and skin treatment. The coconut and vanilla body lotion felt wonderful as it glided all over my body. I massaged it in slowly taking care around my pussy which was shaved completely as it tingled. Afterwwards I put on one of his favourite outfits and mine. I don't know what is about lingerie but I am addicted to dressing up for sex.

I went to bed to read from some of the books I purchased earlier. I let myself drift off to sleep a bit with the candles in the bedroom still lit. When I heard the key in the lock I laid still for him to come to me.

The sight that greeted him was met with approval. He told me how much he wanted to fall asleep with me in his arms. The sex was amazing. But what amazed me even more was how emotional and loving towards me he seemed. It would have been so nice to let myself go and fall in love. However firmly planted in my mind was that "He is a married man who will be going to home to his wife and their beautiful home. He is a liar, a cheater and a coward. Given the chance he would be just as disloyal to me. He is a dog. No matter what happens I deserve better."

I tried not to let him penatrate my heart and just focussed on our mutual pleasure. His image of being a good husband is nothing more than a sham.

Tips for Dating a Married Man

I found so far the whole experience very liberating! Encounters with Mark are extroadinary and all about fantasy. And is the way it should be. A wonderful sexual dreamscape.

1. Let him come to you and do all the calling.


2. Remember he is married and it is probably not going to change anytime soon, if ever.


3. Talk only with someone you trust and who doesn't know his wife.


4. Don't ask or talk about the future. Always stay in the present.


5. Make yourself available for dates with other men and keep your eyes open for his replacement. You don't owe him your fidelity.


6. You don't need to know what he is doing when he is not with you. Keep your life brief as well.


7. Make your time together exceptional. Stock his favourite tipple, light candles (scented)


8. Wear you best lingerie and use him to make yourself feel great. Indulge youself and buy more. When you are having amazing sex £175 for a nightdress seems reasonable. http://www.luxuryfrenchlingerie.com/


9. Experiment sexually. This is a safe situation for you to as he has more to lose by telling tales.


10. Don’t expect anything and you won’t be disappointed.


11. You don’t know what really goes in their marriage so don't assume or take his word as gospel.


12. Don’t try to force change or trap him.


13. Listen to him and don't blab on about your life. Watch his body language and enjoy his company.


14. Don’t ask questions, you may not like the answers to, like his vacation with his wife.

Lots of women get involved with married men. Statistics say 40% of married men will cheat at some point. It is almost just as high for women as well. There are also times when it suits such as in between relationships or not just wanting to get serious. You get the company of a man with lots of sex and no strings. You also get your freedom.

Why men cheat

I know Mark loves his wife. I know they have a good marriage. He is the type of husband that any woman would dream of wanting for a husband. Their home is beautiful and warm. They are both successful and have an enviable lifestyle.

So why does he cheat?

Generally there are 3 reasons why men cheat.

1. They don't want to leave a relationship without the support of another person so choose to an exit affair. In this they sometimes want to get caught. The affair is their ticket out as well as validation they can still get some one else and support!
   
2. The marriage has broken down but they don't want to leave for reasons of children, financial and the hassle. It is an easy way to have their cake and eat it too. Often they have grown appart or she hasn't aged as well.
   
3. Boredom, sexual needs not being met and a crime of opportunity. This is the man who will lie, deny it and when faced with over whelming evidence will appologise profusely and say it is all a mistake but a year later will do it again. Once they get a taste for it they will do it again.

I think he is in the third group. He seems to regard this as temporary and fun thing. I know because he talks so fondly of his relationship with his wife and always uses the words us, we, ours etc. He seems happy being married.

While he is holding me in my arms telling me how much he cares for me, how gorgeous I am and how much he enjoys spending time I remind myself that this a man who loves his wife and who cheats.

Out of the three he is the worst kind.

Discovery

The affair has really been going well every since the quickie. We are now spending more time together and he has even stayed the night. Because we do have genuine feelings for each other the sex is passion charged. We like to play games and explore some of the kinkier aspects. The fact that is married is a saftey net for me as well. I've been in relationships where my partner has looked at me with disdain for suggesting certain things. I feel freer and more honest than I have ever been.

For a man who says he has never done anything like this he seems incredibly comfortable with the situation.

I decided to play detective and see what my naughty boy has been up to. I found him very quickly. He made no effort to disguise himself on a 'no strings attached sex wanted site'. I was less shocked than I thought I would be. The feeling of relief washed away any guilt.

He listed his desires as 'lunchtime quickies' and afterwork sessions as well as weekend time on occasion. According to his profile his online activities stopped about the same time as his 'indecent proposal'.

Considering the site is quite 'down market' as well I can't help but wonder about the women he is likely to attract.

I wonder which is worse... some guy posting his details on a site and with possibly dozens of partners going back years or having a mistress and a safer option.