Internet dating

My inbox on Match.com is often a horror show. Filled with divorced, at least two kids and guys who look at least 10 years later than their stated age. One bald pudgy prat now divorced after 22 years of marriage is now looking for 'the love of his life' and 'has a lot to offer the right woman' and describes himself as warm, tender, generous and sexy. He goes on and on describing how wonderful he is and how he wants to slow down and spend more time with his 'love'. One wonders why he didn't do all this before marriage.

He is as unappealling as stale bread.

I decided to have a look at the competition. The women in my bracket seemed to be of much higher quality. A higher perecentage of the women were attractive, single (never married), successful, educated and normal sounding. Nothing like most of the men over 44. In the younger groups it is a lot more balanced but not if you are 40-ish or over.

George Clooney, 46 and Brad Pitt, 43 may be 'middle aged' but they are a fantasy only. As a standard or an ideal totally unrealistic. Most men look nothing like them.

But to feel spark and chemistry there still has to be attraction. That attraction is largely looks based. Men need to understand that and try to make themselves attractive to women. Even reading the profiles a lot of men don't have a clue and say things like 'she must take me as I am warts and all', 'not try to change me', 'I am a man's man' etc.

This doesn't mean that they should put up a horrible photo in which they have a snarly expression and am in bad need of grooming.

Here are my tips for men:

• Wear clean up to date clothes (no sleeveless vests, football shirts, ratty t-shirts)
• Don't pose bare chested showing off your tatoos
• Comb your hair and have a recent hair cut, no comb overs, pony tails, mullets
• Smile and try to look friendly
• Don't pose with fish, beer cans, motorcycles etc.
• Don't send in your holiday snaps with sandels and socks
• Don't pose with your ex even if she is blacked out
• Don't add '69' to your name
• Don't use names with sexual connotations 'ribbed for her pleasure' or cheesey names 'prince of roses'
• Check your spelling and grammar. Some errors are forgivable
• Write more than a paragraph
• Be positive and don't give us your sob story 'I've been through a rough time....'
• Please do not say you are looking for your princess, baby, flower or woman